And On A Lighter Note

I just bought the new India.Arie CD and I have to say that I absolutely adore it. I enjoy listening to all the songs but I do have my favorites that I repeat as I am rolling in the Silver Bullet. #13 hit me right in the chest as I listened to it for the first time on my way to my hair appointment. I mean, the words just reached me right where I was emotionally and spiritually. I literally cried. It reminded me that no matter what happens in my life right now, God has my back and I don't have to act crazy or feel betrayed or disappointed. He's right here. That song was a great reminder. #16 is also a great affirmation to a broken, tired spirit.

This is definitely a top pick of mine, and I rarely buy CDs (because I can't afford them). But when I heard she had a new project I went right out and bought it because I can trust that she is going to put out some truly genuine and creative music.

I may even go so far as to say besides her first CD, this is probably my favorite of hers. It is worth a listen...

The Challenge of Closed Doors

I was reading FullComplexity's blog, and she was talking about closed doors. Sometimes life doesn't go the way you planned or the way you thought it would. Sometimes you wonder what you did wrong. But as we all fight through disappointments and let-downs, broken hearts and uncertain futures, I think the point is that we do draw closer to God. Challenges do make us pray "harder", seek God's face more, inquire of His wisdom when we simply don't know what to do or what's coming next.

This past week was like that for me. But I have been seeking God in a way I haven't done in a long time - past merely the calisthenics of a dull faith. The struggles I have faced in my own family have caused me to be more concerned about other children in foster care and other families that are being torn apart. It has made me listen more closely to God's voice - not so much for the whys but the hows.

How does God want to use me in a season of pain and hurt and shut doors?

How does the encounter with the disruption of my comfort zone change how I view the world around me and the people in it?

How can I actualize the purpose of God birthed from my own experiences to impact others?

The closed door my family experienced a week ago today has not dissuaded me from the fight. It has merely given me ammunition to attack the unseen enemies that are trying to destroy children and teens, families and communities. I began to see the bigger picture. That closed door made me realize there are other opportunities to change the things in this world that make my blood boil and God's heart grieve.

I began to look and I found answers to some of my questions concerning the foster care system and what we can do to change it for the sake of the children wrapped up in it. If you get a chance check out the following reports that help highlight many of the issues here in Michigan that make the system so screwed up:

(1)"Cycle of Failure: How Michigan Keeps 'Throwing the Fight' for Children and How to Make the State a Contender Again"; Produced by the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform and Written by the Executive Director, Richard Wexler (Published online February 18, 2009) - This was featured in NPR news today ironically as I was writing this entry.

(2)"Race Equity Review: Findings from a Qualitative Analysis of Racial Disproportionality and Disparity for African-American Children and Families in Michigan's Child Welfare System" (Published online January 16, 2009)

Both reports have their slants and as with any socioeconomical dissection of state and federal programs, there may be people that disagree with the findings. DHS actually disagreed with the "Cycle of Failure" report's findings and stated to NPR this morning that it was filled with inaccurate stats and information. But regardless of the skeptics, I believe both reports are worth reading - specifically the second one.

My point in saying all this is that when challenges present themselves, figuring out ways to address those challenges can help us overcome and facilitate change. When doors we thought would stay open are shut, utilizing opportunities to grow is so necessary.

At least that is what I am trying to do.

In Retrospect

I have had some time to really think about the best way to fight for my family during this time. I have decided that covering my family in prayer is genuinely the best way to handle the foster care concerns we have, to protect my brother's rights as a father, and to ensure that no other family has to battle with the racist, greedy, hypocritical actions that can present themselves within the parameters of the policies and idealism of systems meant to protect children.

I am not willing to say that we should do away with the foster care system entirely. The purpose by which it was established is still necessary so long as there is abuse and neglect in this country. But I am saying that there needs to be an overhaul within the ranks of management and in the placement of children. So, instead of fighting against the entire practice of protecting children, I have decided to get right in the midst of the system and in my little area of the world impact lives and systems and practices.

How do you show people a better way of doing anything worthwhile? By showing them. How do you effectively teach families and communities how to improve and become safe havens for children to grow and live? By teaching them. How do you respond to negative institutions and systems? By either infiltrating or renovating, by becoming a part of them and changing them from the inside out as much as humanly possible, or by formulating a new, different system entirely.

I have never been a person that likes to sit on her hands. I'd rather be doing something about the problems in my world, the world I can directly impact. I'd rather walk in the fullness of what God has called me to do. I'd rather be challenged.

When I told my best friend Toya what I was planning to do, she told me that she would not discourage me, but that I would learn alot. She worked as a Child Protective Services worker for a couple years, and just recently switched to become a Foster Care Monitor - supervising workers at an outside agencies that place children and follow up with care plans for each child. One day I hope to do the same.

But for now, I'm okay with the possibility that I might get angry with certain issues I encounter; I might come home crying or full of angst about some situation I encountered at work that day. But at least I'd be getting right in the trenches. I may not be able to save every child or teen. I might not be able to help heal every family. I may not even be able to rewrite some flawed policy. But I will be able to DO SOMETHING.

That is the whole point of life, I think - TO DO SOMETHING WORTH LIVING FOR.

The situation I have encountered wiht my niece is not a new one and not the only one I have had to take a step back and scrutinize. It is not the first time I have had to ask the question, "Is there any way I can impact this problem? Is there anything I can do to change a situation for a child?"

I worked at a residential center a few years ago that made me ask these questions of myself. I disagreed that children are commodities. I hated that the children and teens I developed relationships with felt like they had dollar signs tattooed on their foreheads. I hated that even I missed the point of the mission. So when it was time for me to go, I decided that if the chance ever presented itself again, I would not repeat that mistake.

Well...here I am and a deeper challenge has presented itself. The war I am fighting for my family is a war for all our families in one way or another.

And for this reason, I am called for such a time as this...

And the War Rages On

The court hearing did not go well at all. The judge dismissed our concerns and decided to leave the children in the inappropriate placement where they are. No one cared about what my niece and her sisters are suffering through. But we are going to fight on...if for no other reason than that we are making stand against a corrupt system.

I can't go into the lies the Case Worker told against my family.

I can't go into the concerns my mother raised to the judge that were subsequently swept under the rug.

I can't go into the pain I feel that my niece will continue to suffer humiliation at the hand of a foster mother that will do anything for money.

Though we are battling with the system, until my niece declares that she wants to live with my mother and I, I will not fight to remove her any longer. I will not be able to talk to or see her until the Case Worker says so (which is not likely to happen since she is convinced that her seeing me is detrimental to their cause).

But I will be fighting for fathers' rights and family rights and especially children's rights. My brother has not lost his rights to his daughter and likely won't but the way things have gone in the judicial system, my niece will have a hard way to go without us for the next two years or so.

It breaks my heart that I will not be able to have a say so in what happens to her but she is not my child. If she were my child, she would not be living in this mess.

In Lieu of the Court Hearing

The court hearing regarding my niece and her sisters is this Thursday. I want to say I am nervous about the chance we will have to speak to the judge about moving the children's placement until a decision is made about terminating their mom's rights. I want to say that I hope that he won't dismiss my brother, my mom, and me like all these other authority figures (in the "system") have tried to do every time we confront them about the mistakes they have made and are continuing to make. I want to say that I don't trust that the right choice will be made by the judge.

But I can't. I can't say any of those things.

There is a truth that I believe we are standing on - the TRUTH OF GOD. We are standing on the side of righteousness and are trusting in God and not in our own abilities to change the minds of the powers that be. And further more, we know who we are and to Whom we belong. We also know that God wants those girls protected and nothing Satan does will prevent God from having His way. We walk in the favor of God, and what's more, we are praying that the lives of these children will be more valuable to the judge than what a neglectful mother wants, what an agency that is supposed to be protecting the children but are not wants, what a greedy foster mother wants, and what those who sit in seats of power but abuse that power want.

These babies have to matter.

And we are taking a stand by faith to protect the course of their lives. That is more important than anything. The war we are waging is so much bigger than just the three little girls in this situation. There are many, many families that are fighting for the right to care for children wrapped up in the foster care system. And if nothing else, we are fighting so we can show others how to do the same thing.

I am reading a book called Prophetic Intercession written by Barbara Wentroble. This book is more of a guide that teaches Christians how to pray impactful prayers for others. So, this week in anticipation I am praying for the court hearing - that God's will be done, that we are given a voice, and that we can bring these girls home to a place of peace outside of the atmosphere where they are right now.

Please pray with us, whenever you get a moment. We certainly need your prayers. My girls need your prayers.

Poetry, Center Stage

Last Friday, January 30, I participated in a Poetry Reading Event at a church in Port Huron. A friend of mine, Richard Murphy, asked me to be one of the headlining readers on the schedule and I heartily agreed. The name of the event was what sold me.

My friend is a relatively well-known Christian HipHop artist around our parts and he wanted to do a Poetry event at his church. He titled it: "Testimony of a Ghetto Child." I liked the theme behind the reading - the desire to intertwine our faith in God with the awareness of the social ills in our society.

I wrote and read the following poem for my spot in the evening's line-up:


GRAND RAPIDS, HOOD LIFE, OVERCOME
(Dedicated to the ‘hood I grew up in)
By Myama Myowne Boone

Where I come from, the place of origination
Can only be truly…understood
If you grew up with more bars and liquor stores
Than churches in your ‘hood…

You can only translate my language,
The words that I write and speak
If you are well-acquainted with
Never ever seeing the change that you seek…

Streets named Wealthy, Lake Drive, and Thomas
Held poverty, thirst, and doubts…
Neighborhoods with more children than fathers
Perpetuated beliefs that the ghetto could spit you out…

There has always been music, sounds, energy
Reverberating from the baseline of life’s soundtrack;
There has always been the struggle for escape
From the ghetto’s pressures, persuasions, and personal attacks…

But in the middle of the raucous rush,
Between the lines at the welfare office on Franklin Street,
Somewhere beyond the gentrified canvases
Of rebuilt mansions in Heritage Hill’s buppie beat…

A little girl, like I was, is beckoned by God now -
Out of the shadows of a city that swallows lives whole,
Out of the cold racial divide, out of the mentality –
Becoming separate from those satisfied with playing a role…

Hip-Hop, Double-Dutch, Food Stamps, Domestic Violence:
Words and names so customarily a part of life –
What she hears and plays and needs and hates
Become words of dual force that can cut like a knife…

For each reminds her that she is ever a product
Of a generation that can hide within itself,
Of a nation that can cover self-inflicted abuses,
As people, like crabs in a barrel, war for wealth…

But she is called to be different, a rare grace,
And the voice of God urges her to live beyond the institution –
Because no matter where she was born or brought up,
Satan and his ghetto enslavement owes her restitution…

The clarion call God has on her life is absolute
For the city in which her foundation is laid;
The brick and mortar of the same ‘hood I lived in is
Where every generation deals with mistakes made…

Madison and Union, Bates and Dunham Streets –
The pavement weary feet have trod down;
The skyline of an untouchable commerce seen from dirty windows
Separating the haves and the have-nots in this town…

She will overcome – run through troops and leap over walls –
Her faith in the God of her grandparents established in truth…
For she knows that there is more to her future
Than what was denied and refused by her parents in their youth…

Little girls with visions grow into dynamic women;
Little boys with dreams become world-changing men…
The circle of life in the ‘hood has the unseen power
To either draw them into success or into sin…

Little girls in the ‘hood can walk righteous;
Little boys in the ‘hood can reject any generational curse…
The story of God’s grace can change lives
Once predestined for a trip in back of a police car or a hearse…

For that little girl so like the girl I used to be
Is one among many today that will transform the ghetto…
God will use her, use them all as torches in the dark,
Declaring that the enemy of their souls has to let go –

He has to let go of the lives crushed by addiction;
He has to let go of the neighborhoods reduced by crime…
He has to release the grip of poverty chaining generations
Because freedom is past due; it has long been time…

For the place where I became the woman I am,
The city that could have devoured my dreams
Is destined to grandly and rapidly
Be touched and transformed by a God Who redeems…

Through It All

I have been asked a lot lately why I decided to stay in Michigan and endure the financial struggles during this season of my life when I could have gone pretty much anywhere and done better. I thought it was a silly question at first when I consider the reason I am staying.

But still...
Why would I rent a house in a place I do not necessarily want to be?

Why would I put the brakes on my dreams of relocation and having a fab single life?

Why in the world would I embrace struggle when my gifts and my talents would make room for me in the presence of great men and women (in the undefined "out there somewhere")?

Why? Why? Why?

Am I stupid? Slow? Self-punishing?

The simple answer is no. No, I'm not a fool. I know how to make sound decisions, even when it seems like I would be better served in a different environment. I consider myself to be very intelligent (or at least, I have some mother-wit). And I have learned that when I trust God in my decision-making, I end up more blessed than I could have ever been if I only trust in my own wisdom.

I decided to stay in Michigan, even in light of all the circumstances I have to face right now because of a little girl:

A little girl whose big hazel eyes and curly ringlets won me the first time I laid eyes on her...

A little girl whose vivacious personality and immeasurable talents and gifts have caused many people to be drawn to her...

A little girl who has suffered through much more than I am going through right now...

A little girl that needs someone to care...

A little girl that is crying out for help...

A little girl that calls me in tears when her heart has been broken (like last Thursday, when her foster mother called her a selfish f**king b**ch because she was told the little girl wants to live independent of the foster care system, on her own)...

A little girl that doesn't understand why her life is collapsing around her and needs her Auntie Mya right now...


She is why I am staying.

If you can only do one thing in life, if you only get the chance to accomplish one feat, make sure you let that one thing be an unselfish act. Let it be something that impacts and changes the life of another person. And let it be God-inspired because when He calls you to do a certain thing, He will give you the resources to see that thing through.

I had to stay in Michigan in order to get licensed for foster care and to provide an immediate home for that little girl. I could not leave and then try to help her. So when the question was raised if I would leave for Nashville or Chicago or Timbuktu, I had to say "No." I had to lay my desires down on the altar, the place of sacrifice, so my little girl could live a life where she could smile again. And you know what, I haven't really wanted for or needed anything that hasn't been provided thus far.

Remember, ultimately your "real" life is not about you.

A House, a Home?

My mom and I have moved into a new house in the city I was trying to escape even a couple months ago. It was not an easy decision to remain in Michigan when I really wanted to move to another state entirely; I still want to. But as I said in previous posts, this move is not for me. This move, this house, this moment in time is for my niece and her sisters. It is for my family. As most things in my life are...this is for someone else.

The house is a little oasis, and I thank God for how we found it. It has been a tight season financially; acquiring the lease, paying the appropriate people, and securing help to transfer our belongings to the house has been a challenge. But every time I want to cry about the money that has evaporated from my income or the desires I had to do my own thing having to take a back seat to other more pressing issues, I think about my family and how I am truly sowing seeds toward my own marriage and kids one day.

I am already planning for dinner parties and ladies' nights at our house with my friends. I look forward to meals shared and guests visiting. I am excited about celebrating birthdays and my niece having friends over for the weekend. The house is so much bigger than the other places we have lived together and separately. And the truth is I fell in love with it at first sight because I knew it would be the right place to care for my family and friends. It would be the right place for us...for now...

Inauguration Day

This morning when I came into work our principal made an announcement that it was okay to turn on CNN so the kids could watch the inauguration festivities, so they could be a part in a very small way of this historic day in American history. I do not remember in my early years of education of seeing something so profound playing across my classroom television screens, except perhaps the viewing of the Challenger explosion.

But for this predominantly African-American high school, this is not a sad occasion. This is an exciting moment for the students here. And for me as well. Tears are building in my eyes as I look at the sheer numbers of people blanketing the memorial mall area in DC.

My aunt, my mother's sister Pamela, is there this morning. She received a ticket from someone she knew and was able to take time off from work to travel to Washington DC for this event. Then my mom's best friend's sister Bev hooked her up with a hotel room available until Thursday when there were no rooms available anywhere. At any case, she helped my aunt out, and now I am living vicariously through her.

I told my mom to tell her that she is an ambassador for our family, a representative of my grandparents' lineage, standing in proxy for them - though I know they are watching from heaven. She will be standing in DC watching this amazing moment for us all. I am planning to call her later so she can tell me what it felt like to be there. I wish I could have gone with her, but this was not my opportunity.

One day, I am making the vow to myself to take my nieces and nephews to DC while Barack Obama is in the White House. I wish they could meet our new president but even if they can't I want them to know that this is their generation's time to stand up and make a difference in this world. They have an obligation to do just that in their lifetimes. I expect nothing less from them. This is their day; this is our time. Change is indeed here...TODAY...RIGHT NOW...for us all.

Happy inauguration day, everyone!

A Conspiracy Against Fathers: The Foster Care System

In my research and study in anticipation of my niece's court hearing my family will be attending a month from today, I have run across several articles and research studies that deal with the foster care system and the ignoring of father's rights. In the beginning of this whole ordeal, I really was trying to find some sort of loophole, some way of saying that my brother's rights had been trodded upon in support of the mother's rights and the foster care system's ideological foundations.

I didn't have to look very far. I happened upon a research study online entitled "What About the Dads? Child Welfare Agencies' Efforts to Identify, Locate, and Involve Nonresident Fathers." This study took place in 2004 and ended in 2005, with findings compiled in 2006 and updated in 2008. What appeared to be a fluke in my family's situation turned out to be a regular occurrence in the lives of fathers that were left out of the decision to place their children in the homes of complete strangers. Not only that but paternal families, like ours, have not been considered for placement for various unfounded reasons.

The fact that a study had to be administered in four states because of the wide number of complaints and the vast number of children in the system verifies what I felt all along. The government, the very one I work for and pay taxes to, has perpetuated the fatherlessness that is prevalent in our inner cities and in our communities by not including fathers that do indeed deserve to have a say in what happens to their children. The breakdown of the family lies within the laws that this country has instituted. I truly hope that President Obama will begin the process of reconsidering how the laws are written concerning the foster care system and father's rights.

My mother received a letter last week from Child Protective Services (a few weeks after calling a complaint in to the CPS Program Manager overseeing the worker that botched my niece's case). The letter stated in regards to my brother: "Typically, we do contact the legal father as well, and apologize for not seeking your assistance in this matter at the time of removal."

In other words, CPS admitted to not trying to locate my brother when his daughter was placed in foster care. They did not, however, admit that she should never have been removed from our care in the first place when prior incidents dictated that my niece reside in the care of my family. The worker had my mother's phone number as well as my brother's last known address but did not attempt to contact. This was totally illegal in my eyes. It would have been different if we had never been involved or my niece's paternal family was unknown. But we have been in her life since we learned of her existence.

In terms of this case, Child Protective Services has a real problem. The violation of my brother's paternal rights will be brought up in court and a grievance will be filed against CPS and the placement agency that handled the housing of the girls. Once my niece and her sisters are placed (hopefully with my family), a lawsuit is pending.

The book I wrote "Father to the Fatherless" touches on some of the beliefs I have about single parenting and the absence of fathers in the lives of children. (If you get a chance, please read the chapters I have posted on my other blog.) But now, as I start to conduct this research (not only to help my family, but others as well) I am beginning to see the correlation between the government and the demolition of the family unit. More often than not, fathers that can and rightfully should be considered for first placement when their children are removed from the mothers' care and extended families for an alternative placement are not considered at all. Children are separated from their families and placed with strangers to increase the amount of governmental funding states receive for the foster care system.

The reason? Most biological families are not foster care licensed.

Now unlike in other years, biological families have to become licensed in order to care for children and teens that are wards of the court. But this is not widely publicized, and I can tell you, in my family's case, we were not notified of this amendment either by CPS or the placement agency. We learned this from a lawyer we consulted about actions we should take to fight for custody should the mother lose her rights. This rule came into effect the latter part of 2008, and it is my mission to make sure families know that this is what is happening now. Biological families must be licensed before children can enter their care. Basically, if families do not attain licensing children can be placed wherever the agencies see fit.

This is what happened in my niece's case.

My mother and I are going to be licensed for foster care by the end of February and are preparing to attend the training sessions the end of this month. My brother is working to find employment and to get established in order to take custody of his daughter, though it may take a while. This is why we are fighting alongside him. So we are truly doing our homework. But my question, as I raised before, is the same:

How many families are losing their children; how many fathers' rights are being ignored? How many children are being placed in the homes of strangers (as in the case of my niece and her sisters) needlessly?

I do believe there is a book in this as well. As I am fasting and praying during this time and beginning some new writing projects, I am certainly seeing that this issue needs to be brought to the forefront - not only on the written page but in the public view. Stay tuned for more because there will be more.

This is much bigger than what is going on with my niece, her sisters, my brother, and our family. This is clearly an epidemic. Satan has long attacked our families, and his strategies are being uncovered. As I said in my last post, I am studying spiritual warfare because truthfully my family is on the frontlines. As the weeks go on, I will make sure that you are kept up to date not only with the concrete findings I uncover as I fight for my family. I will also include some Scriptural findings that may help you engage in warfare for your families as well.

We must fight back against the systems of this world and against the kingdom of darkness which at times work hand-in-hand. I am not saying that Child Protective Services and the foster care system should not be instituted for the protection of children. I just believe that a total overhaul is needed because it has become more about the protection of a money-making system and less about the children and the healing/reunification of families.

Season of Seeking

I am starting out this year as I do every new year: with fasting and prayer to get my heart focused on what this particular one should mean and the direction I should go as I enter into a new season. Typically most Christians fast during the season of Advent (the season of waiting) but the church I have been attending these past 11 years has always called for a 21-day Daniel fast (see the book of Daniel in the Old Testament - a fast of only fruits and veggies, water and 100% juices) every January. It usually starts the day after New Year's and ends just before the end of the month. Some years we have even gone as long as 40 days - ending in February.

This year I am abstaining and consecrating, redirecting my thoughts and my behavior to make room for God in the busyness of my life - and boy, did it start getting way too busy! There is so much that I need to do to give Him the throne of my life, so this is how I begin to do that.

These are my prayer requests for those of you that are willing to pray with me during this time:

(1) The custody of my niece and her sisters
(2) The opening of my life to the possibility of being an adoptive mother to a 4 year old and 1 year old before I even get married, before I even have my own children (that I will be a good mother to them if that is what God desires for me)
(3) The publication of "Father to the Fatherless" and "We Run From Ourselves"
(4) Enrolling in graduate school for a Master's in Youth Ministry
(5) Marriage
(6) A deeper spiritual walk
(7) A new church home more conducive to where I believe God is leading me at this time in my life

There are other more general requests but these are the ones that deal exclusively with me and my path for this season. Of course, I hope you are praying as I am about the state of our nation and the lives of the hurting, the poor, the disenfranchised, and the broken. That is what we all must do to fulfill the mandate of God in this world.

I am also beginning a study on spiritual warfare and the strategies of war as highlighted in the battles written about in the Old Testament. This has been on my mind for quite some time, and perhaps I will get into this in more detail later. During this time of the year I like to center my heart and mind on the things of God - a good way to start out any year. I need to hear His voice before I begin afresh.

Let Me Add Mine to the Plans for 2009

I got the following quotes from The Dude Abides (blog on my list below):

"We have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world." - Jill Bolte Taylor "My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey"

"Lord, protect my family and me. Forgive my sins, and help me guard against pride and despair. Give me the wisdom to do what is right and just. And make me an instrument of your will." - Barack Obama's prayer at the Western Wall in Jerusalem.

I have decided to use these quotes in this first post of the 2009 New Year. There are so many ways to state and restate what these two have so eloquently said. But the truth is, I affirm what they mean in my own life.

I do believe in resolutions but not for the same reasons that others may make them. A resolution for me is an affirmation of faith, of what we already know to be true that needs to be manifested into reality, of what we have heard God whisper deep in our spirits that we must stand upon as a testament that our lives must be lived on purpose and with purpose in mind. So my resolution for this year is to live as lovingly, honestly, and forgivingly as I can. I resolve before God and man to be the woman God intends for me to be and to make an impact in this earth as only I can.

About three weeks ago, I taught the second installment of Write Outloud at the school where I work. And the one truth I wanted the young poets under my charge for those 90 minutes to get was that they all have a voice, they all have passion, and they all have purpose. I wanted them to understand that their words are powerful weapons. And this year, I resolve not only to help young people use their individual voices but also to use my own in a more public, open format.

I know that one if not all my books will be published this year, and to be a public writer in contrast to a closet writer is a very great responsiblity so I must do my very best to tell the truth God deems I tell. I must not take lightly the blessings sure to come my way this year, just like I must learn the lessons God wills for me to learn through the hard seasons that may come as well. And both will come. That is what life is about.

I resolve to embrace God and my destiny with much more sincerity and focus this year. I resolve not to turn down an opportunity to live in freedom and truth just because those opportunities may have never been done before. I owe that to my God and to this world. To do anything less would be a sacrilege.

What about you?

A Heartfelt Concern

I have been debating about whether I wanted to blog on a certain dilemma that is going on in my family for the last month because there are a lot of legal ramifications surrounding it and also because I didn't want to reveal too much personal information about my baby girl. So, I decided not to disclose too much of the story except to give some meat to the topic so you can understand where I am coming from.

My 16 year old niece is the love of my life, along with my three other heartbeats (as I talked about in an earlier post). Our relationship has had its share of ups and downs, but I have always fought to remain in her life. You see, my brother and her mother were never in a real relationship and her conception was not planned (to say the very least). But I believe that her existence on this earth was no accident, and she was a thought in the heart of God long before she made her debut.

Long story short, she was raised in her mother's household but my mom and I have always tried to provide a second place of respite, a second home for her - so much so that when she was having trouble at home, my mom got guardianship of her last year. For nine months we were in and out of court, fighting against sending her back to her mom because of the drug abuse, domestic violence, and alcoholism taking place in her mom's home. The judge agreed with us and we kept her as long as we could. But then, a CPS worker in the county where her mother lives recommended that the guardianship be terminated and my niece be returned home, although every other authority figure involved felt that it would be a huge mistake.

It was.

My niece and her two sisters were placed in foster care three months after my mom's guardianship was terminated by recommendation of the CPS Worker. They were taken from her mother because of the same reasons we had raised in court - her mother;s lifestyle and her mother giving my niece controlled substances. The CPS Worker that removed my niece from my mom's care was the same one that removed her from her mother's and placed her into foster care. He never informed us of this and we found out four months after the fact that my niece was no longer in her mother's home. We had tried to maintain contact with her, but her mother had intercepted us each time and by the time this took place, we were almost too late. My niece got in touch with us after being bounced from one foster home to the next.

Now, despite the pleas for her return to our care and our interactions with case workers and CPS workers and supervisors, my niece and her sisters still remain in foster care, in the home of strangers. There is more to the story that I cannot get into right now, but one issue that keeps coming up is that we, my niece's extended family, has no rights, and in fact, my brother, who is also demanding for the return of his daughter is being ignored by the foster care system.

It makes me wonder how many other fathers and how many other families are losing or have lost children to the system that really wanted to retain custody of those children. Of course every story is different, but the jist of it is this: the system that is supposed to be all about protecting children and also the reunification of families can also be guilty of destroying families. We were told that my niece's mother picked where her children would be placed with no regard to my brother's rights or the rights of the other fathers/family members that wanted their children with family. And this was okay and permissible.

I have realized that there are many levels of institutional racism and paternal discrimination that are at play in my niece's situation. I do not like to play the "race card" as they say, but it is very obvious that race has probably played a factor in the disregard for my niece's placement. Her mother and the family chosen to house my niece and her sisters are Caucasian. The authority figures deciding if we can even have contact with her (which we have not been allowed to, for no apparent reason) are Caucasian. And my brother unfortunately has played the role of the Black deadbeat father in the past making it easy for decisions to be made without a say-so from him or us, but at this point he is stepping up to rescue his child because his rights may be terminated too if he does not.

Tomorrow we are meeting with a lawyer and also going to a meeting between my brother and the Case Worker assigned to my niece's placement. He does not want his daughter staying with the family her mother chose because there have been many lies told and attempts by this family to keep his daughter from visits and phone calls with him. He wants her to be returned to our family's care. I believe things will be changed. But all of this raised a lot of questions in my mind about the role of the foster care system in destroying families, instead of protecting children.

I have some questions for anyone that reads this post.

How many of you know of children or teens that were placed in the foster care system, in the homes of strangers or unrelated families, when their biological families were readily available to take them?

We were told that my niece and her sisters were placed together, even though they all have different fathers and families that wanted to take them. There is a federal law on the books that CPS has to abide by that states in brief that children should be placed together, even if it means they are placed in the homes of complete strangers and not with family members who want them (if they have to be separated amongst family members). As in the case of my niece and her sisters, children who have different fathers may have to live with complete strangers just to keep them together, and those biological families may risk losing them altogether.

That is the place where we are, and we are fighting with everything within us to keep my baby from rotating through the system. I know so many children that have been in foster care and have not been allowed to see family (family that should have the right to love those children and be in their lives).

There are many stories about children taken from their parents that had families whom wanted to work together to keep the children, perhaps in different houses but still maintaining contact with their siblings. But CPS would not allow that because the children were not physically living in the same house and ended up putting the children in foster homes. There are very few foster homes that can house three or more children and inevitably children are separated anyway - most of the time with foster families and not with biological relatives. What sense does that make?

If you have experienced the loss of children to the system or know of any families that were not granted custody of those children due to the laws that are on the books that dictate that fathers rights may be disregarded for the good of a flawed system, please let me know. I am very concerned that there are:
(1) children that should be with their families but have been placed in foster homes unnecessarily;
(2) fathers rights are being overlooked, disregarded, or trampled on when children are taken from their mothers;
and (3) racism is affecting the placement of children in the foster care system.

My family is prepared to fight for my niece to the fullest extent of the law, and most likely, she will be returned to my family once her mother's rights are completely terminated in February. But truly, children should never be placed in the homes of strangers over the homes of family members simply to fulfill unrealistic laws established by the federal government at all. I know that this law was written with the best of intentions but no law should override what would be in the best interest of children.

Brilliant Idea!!!!

Okay...I was blog-browsing via my girl FullComplexity's blog and I realized what I have been missing all along. Another fellow blogger has a blog solely focused on a book she is writing in the blogosphere. So my new idea is just that: I am going to start two new blogs - one for my novel and the other for my memoir. Please check them out and let me know what you think. I love to write and it really isn't as important to publish as it is to build an audience. So please help me out and let me know what you think...

Myowneworlddestiny will remain the same as always...stay tuned...

Nice to Be Noticed

I was named an Honest Blogger (really?) by FullComplexity. I love that. So I am to name at least 7 bloggers in return that I think are honest as well.

You can link them below but I will highlight the ones I think you should look at:
FullComplexity
Talulazoeapple
Shesoflyy
Shauna Niequist
One Good Reason...
Clevergirlgoesblog
Jonalyn Grace Fincher



I got this from a blog I was reading today and decided to copy it.

10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people

1. Take care of your kids so I can focus on having my own.
2. Don't try to manipulate me because I used to be stupid enough to let you.
3. If only you weren't married. Actually thank God you are.
4. I love you more than life itself.
5. I am NOT the token black girl; I am the token CHURCH girl.
6. NOW you want me. TOO LATE!!!!
7. I don't care if you don't like me. I certainly won't cry over that.
8. At the rate you are going, you will never be Father of the Year.
9. Can you hurry it up?
10. You need to go on "What Not To Wear"...like yesterday.

9 Things about yourself

1. I give up my life for other people quite often and sometimes I get sick of doing that.
2. I love my short hair.
3. I wish I was married.
4. I miss my dad.
5. I love to cook new things - especially from scratch.
6. I hate being looked at like I am a piece of meat.
7. I wish I could write and do art full time.
8. I love being with my friends and family.
9. I do not think all men suck. Just the ones I somehow ended up dating...

8 Ways to win my heart

1. Love God and family like life depends on it.
2. Be present; be there.
2. Focus on building a real relationship with me and not just try to get in my panties.
3. Make me laugh until my stomach hurts and I can't breathe.
4. Listen to me.
5. Talk to me about the things that matter to you.
6. True, legitimate, lucrative employment
7. A sense of humor
8. Strong sense of family

7 Things that cross my mind a lot

1. God
2. Writing
3. Marriage
4. My future
5. My career
6. My family
7. Change

6 Things I do before I go to sleep

1. Brush my teeth and wash my face.
2. Kiss my mom
3. Drink some water
4. Pray
5. Go to the bathroom
6. Take off my nightgown and slide under the covers

5 People I couldn't live without

1. My mom
2. Erika
3. Shalantae
4. Davon
5. Anthony

4 Things I am wearing right now

1. My night gown
2. ?
3. ?
4. ?

3 Songs that fit my life perfectly

1. Get Up - Mary Mary (I think that's what it's called)
2. Play Your Cards Right - Keyshia Cole
3. Beautiful - Musiq Soulchild

2 Things I want to do before I die

1. Get married and have a family
2. Travel to a foreign country (Italy or Sierra Leone)

1 Confession

I think I am beautiful. I didn't always believe that. I also believe that I matter. Didn't always believe that either.

My First Babies Are Growing Up

I blog alot about my friends babies and put pics up of the adorable bundles of joy quite often. But many moons ago, there were four other babies that had my heart all wrapped up in their little fists.

I have four nieces and nephews (and a great nephew) that have always been the lights of my life. They were my babies then and they still are now - although they are approaching adulthood pretty quickly.

The youngest one turned 12 yesterday, and my heart skipped a beat. They are all pretty much teenagers and are no longer the little children they once were, growing up so fast. Two are in high school and the last two are in middle school, beginning to expand in the knowledge of good and evil (just kidding).

They have already seen a lot and experienced a lot in their lives. Sometimes I worry about them more than I probably should but as I always say I want them to make it to adulthood (out of high school) in one piece (in one peace). It is difficult to watch them suffer because of parent issues and family turmoil, but I know it is all for their making. They will be great adults if they overcome the issues life will throw at them.

More than anything, I want to be a good aunt to them, even as they become adults. I want them to know that I care very deeply about their futures. I pray that they will be the people I know they can be, that they already are.

My Family's Nonexistent Christmas Dinner

My family used to be really close. Every Holiday Season we made our plans to connect at my grandma's house for dinner and to open presents. I looked forward to seeing my cousins, my uncle, my aunts, and my nieces and nephews along with my mom and brother at the home of the woman we adored more than life itself. We would enjoy the delicious turkey, dressing, greens, mac-n-cheese, and other sides. I would secretly hope I had enough room for one of the desserts waiting on my grandma's kitchen counters for someone to dive in. There would be laughter and story-telling and football on television that was barely watched but became the background music to our festivities. And most of all there would be the unity that God shines on in every family.

But now...

Since my grandma's departure from this life and our world three years ago, things haven't been the same. To be honest, we haven't had a real Christmas since she went home to be with the Lord. The Holidays are so hard now because all I can do is think of what used to be and also how lonely I am. I miss being surrounded by my family. I miss the beauty of seeing my grandma's eyes sparkle when she watched her grandchildren and great-grands open presents, sitting around her feet. I miss my uncle's awesome stories and the way my stomach would hurt after laughing so much. I miss snuggling with my mom's older sister and talking about everything under the sun with my mom's younger sister.

Christmas is not the same for so many reasons. And there is this sense that I am nostalgic for a new tradition; I want a husband and children to build a new family tradition with. I even want in-laws to spend the Christmas season with like so many of my friends (have to) do. But for now, I am in a position of waiting for something to change. This is the season of advent and I think that in this time of waiting and reflecting I am truly waiting for love to surface in my life. I want a family more than any gift I could ever be given. That is what I desire, deep down, but I don't really say anything about it when people ask me what I want for Christmas or what I am getting for Christmas. I rarely get gifts anyhow and truly don't care about material stuff (though I would like an iPod).

Christmas used to be a wonderful time for gathering together for my family. I wish more than anything that I could still relish in the light of my family's presence. We all go our separate ways during the Holidays now because it is too hard to celebrate without my grandma. This year will be no different. We won't see each other, though we will call each other on the phone. I may cook but not the extravagant feast like we used to eat. My mom and I will spend the Holidays together without a tree or lights or wreaths decorating our surroundings. There will only be one present - a new place to call home. We are moving to a new house the weekend after Christmas.

But I really wish there was a family filling that home with all the good things that made the Holidays what they were before. I hate to sound so depressing but this is where I am at right now. Every year, as lame as it sounds, I tell myself this will be the last year I will celebrate the birth of Christ without a man in my life, a family to love, a place to belong. But this year, my prayer is still waiting to be answered and I am sad.

More Baby Pics and a Hair Cut

I decided to do a relatively smaller post today. What's most important are the pics. I am once again in love with babies. In two of the pics I am holding my friends Laneisha and Richie's new baby. I wrote about her when she made her debut seven weeks ago. Now she is definitely growing into the queen of many hearts. The third pic is of my little prince Josiah, who is seven months now. I think this pic is absolutely gorgeous. I still haven't met him yet but during my Christmas Break from work at the end of this month, I am hoping to see him and be introduced to his highness...

And as you can probably tell from the picture with me and Queen Zariyah, I cut my hair a little more. I knew it was going to happen. I really did try to grow my hair out but it just didn't look right, so I went back to my comfort zone. Sorry to all those men that think women should have hair down to their behinds; that will never be me. Love me or leave me; take it or leave it. I think I look good with short hair. What do you think?

Thankful...

A friend of mine asked me in an email what I am thankful for this year. With Thanksgiving Day's arrival tomorrow and my plans for the weekend looming on the horizon, many of the blessings I am thanking God for are in the form of the people I love the most. I will be spending time this weekend back home in Grand Rapids with "my babies" - my Tae and Erika and Vonnie and Anthony and Squirmy. I am truly thankful that God uses them quite consistently to change my mind about being self-centered.

I am thankful that God has healed me enough and is still healing me enough to be a good aunt/surrogate parent to my brother's children. My plans have momentarily changed in terms of moving out of state right now due to some issues that have arisen with my youngest niece. The truth is as much as I wish I could just pack up and leave them all, I am not released to do that JUST yet.

And I thank God for that, even though I do feel a bit boxed in at times because I know that I could be doing a lot of living somewhere else. But, I thank God that I can impact their lives as much as I impact the lives of the young people I see everyday at work and the lives of the young people I will one day touch. I want to start at home, with my own babies, and I thank God for the chance to be there for these children who need my brother's love and presence but do not truly have either. But they do have me, and I am not fighting that anymore.

I also thank God for my mother, who is still in the land of the living. We don't always see eye to eye on things but mostly we are comrades-in-arms when it comes to our family and most specifically her grandchildren and great-grandson, whom she adores. We fight together for their futures, and I thank God I am not alone in the struggle to change their lives.

It may seem wierd but I am thankful that I am needed by my family, that my nieces and nephews love me, that I have people to care for. If it were not for them I would be the loneliest woman on earth. So many people in our world do not have family. So, I am thankful for their smiles, their laughter, their passions, and their dreams. I am thankful even for the times when they try to assert their independence and I have to rein them back in ("You ain't grown YET!). And I am thankful for their futures, and I cannot wait to see the kind of men and women they will grow to be.

For this, I am thankful. My life is so full.

A Few Indiscretions

So...I have a couple guilty pleasures that I'd like to tell you all about. I am not a perfect person, so I'll throw that out there as my disclaimer. I love God, go to church (not always every Sunday, but often), I read my Bible, and I try to live as drama-free a life as I can. As I always say, there is no need for unnecessary dramatics in my world, and I'd like to keep that way for as long as possible.

But there are a few things that might be considered not so Christian that I either enjoy watching, reading or doing. The first thing I enjoy doing is going out with friends for food, drinks, and karaoke. That may or may not be a good combination but I tell you what, it makes for a rip-roaring good time and I walk away feeling totally free and uninhibited. I enjoy being with people that don't take life too seriously, and I think once you've been in the church for a long time, people start to assume that you aren't supposed to enjoy life, laughter, and singing 1980s R&B.

My next "indiscretion" is something I am reading right now. The thing is I have been waiting a long time for either a movie or another book from Sister Souljah, and when I saw in either Essence or Ebony (more reading indiscretions) that she had a new book out I was really hyped about the whole thing. So, when I went to the library last week and saw her book "Midnight" on the shelf I almost broke down dancing right then and there.

(Let me just say this: Here in Port Huron, Michigan (or Port Boring, as it is so affectionately called) where I am temporarily residing until something better comes along, the library very rarely orders books by African-American authors. So when they do I am very pleasantly surprised. The library gods must think that Black folks don't read. Well, honey, let me tell you - I DO read. A lot. And I read several different types of books as you will hear about in future posts. But...I digress.)

Anyway, I am reading this book right now. I am amazed that it is 500 pages. It has started out a lot different than her first book "The Coldest Winter Ever" which I happened to love, by the way. That book was great, but the problem I found out later, is that it paved the way for a lot of poorly written "ghetto" books that landed on bookstore shelves much to my chagrin (a writer that is fighting to get two books commercially published right now). Again, I digress.

"Midnight" is my book indiscretion, sitting alonsgide Erwin McManus' Soul Cravings, Barack Obama's "Dreams From My Father", Stephen Mansfield's "The Faith of Barack Obama", and last but not least my worn Amplified Bible. It is living on my bed's headboard bookshelf in obvious mixed company. But the reality I tell myself or the excuse I give anyone else is that I am learning something life-changing from each book. I will give a more thorough critique of "Midnight" and the other books I am reading right now when I finish them, but I had to give some sort of explanation as to why this book is being read so voraciously by the Church Girl, right?

My next indiscretion is something I liked to watch on television. I say liked because the season finale just aired Tuesday, although there is one more show next week that will uncover some apparent dirty laundry and one more delectable tidbit of drama. The wierd thing is my godmother actually hipped me to this show and she is a pastor herself. She liked it because it showed Black women that didn't live in the hood and had money to boot. I do get a bit tired of seeing Black women on television that are standing in the welfare line or having babies out of wedlock with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. That being said, there isn't much else to be proud of in a Afrocentric kind of way with this show.

I just flat-out enjoyed this crazy mix of weave-wearing, sassy, rich femme fatales on this hour-long laugh fest. The Real Housewives of Atlanta became a guilty pleasure of mine the last few weeks of the show. I even started engaging myself so much with NeNe, Sheree, Kim, Lisa, and DeShawn that I started declaring to anyone that watched the show and would know the characters who I liked or disliked more. I very rarely get that involved with a television show (except Grey's Anatomy and sometimes Keyshia Cole's show).

I could not STAND NeNe. A lot of people said they liked her because she kept it real and she seemed the most down-to-earth. (What kind of real are they talking about?!?!) I personally thought she was the fakest, most two-faced one of them all because she kept up so much dissension with all the women - women she was supposed to be friends with. She reminded me of women (females) I have known both in high school and (dare I say) in church (but I won't talk about that) where I came face-to-face with the rawest qualities of humanity. And I am being real here when I say that I will not befriend (at least on a deep level) a woman like that. She will keep up too much chaos.

NeNe is the type of female that thinks (in layman's terms) she is this angelic representation on earth and is ignorant enough to believe that gives her the license to talk about other people as if she is better than them. She is the person that can be the loud-mouth, the life of the party, but can also be the one that everyone wants to fight. I literally wished I could jump inside the television and whup her tail and then jump back out before she could understand why she was lying on the concrete.

(I know...that is not a very lady-like or Christian attitude, but I am being honest here.)

This type of female was personified in many girls in my high school back in Grand Rapids and it makes me wonder if they still act like her today. I know back then I would not deal with them. NeNe was superficial and fake because she would smile in her "friends" faces and then would run them down in the next breath - once she got a few drinks in her. I know I said earlier that I like to go out and have drinks but not to the point where I am saying something I will regret later. I don't believe in getting twisted and then letting it all hang out. Once again, I apologize...I digress.

To me NeNe was not a viable symbol of true womanhood (not that the rest of them were in all areas; she just stood out the most). She is the person I point out to my nieces and say "Don't be like her. Somebody will want to beat the brakes off you if you turn into THAT. And it just might be me."

She is a symbol of a woman out of her element that does not fit in the classy world her marriage evidently placed her. Her attitude exemplified the fact that money certainly does not buy class. I think a real woman is born with a certain pedigree, a certain quality, and NeNe did not have that and she certainly was not trying to develop it.

So those are my little indiscretions. What are yours?