Thursday, July 30, 2015

20 Years Later

So this weekend I am heading off to Grand Rapids with my two daughters and a trunk full of clothes, a few toys, a bedtime book, and some snacks.  I am going to my 20 year high school reunion (it's been 20 years?!?!?!) as a mom that hasn't been made legal yet, but a mom nonetheless.  My family will meet these little girls that challenge everything I thought I knew about motherhood or at least what I thought I knew as a glorified babysitter/aunt to adults that barely speak to me now.  It makes me wonder if it was all a waste of time; it makes me wonder if I did it all wrong and that is why they never call me back.  Maybe it's a sign that I did it right - that they are out there in the big wide world, busy living their lives and too busy to look back at those who still see them as their babies.  But I don't really think so.

I don't know either way.

Maybe that's why I am surprised, as surprised as everyone that I will see this weekend when I introduce the two princesses as mine.  I am probably more surprised than anybody because most of the time I think I will wake up one day and they will be with their "real" mommies.  I am more surprised that I am finally here and feel a little bit like a fish out of water.  Maybe that's why I am trying to figure out how 20 years after I was no longer really considered a kid that I have two lives to help shape.  I have kids.  Wow.

It's 20 years later and I still feel like it was yesterday that I was in that huge brick high school on Plainfield Avenue with all my friends.  The biggest issue was passing Chemistry and Algebra so I could graduate with nothing less that a B- average.  I cannot say I was the nerd I am now.  I cannot say that I had it all figured out.  I think I was a little afraid that I would never see my friends again so I was holding on to the moments we made in Spanish Class, at lunch, in the hallways between classes, sharing lockers, after school, and on weekends as if we didn't see each other enough during the five days we traveled through Creston High School.

I consider that now, as I am excitedly preparing to see people I have literally not seen since graduation night (except for the few that I have maintained relationships with).  It has been 20 years and my looks are not the only things that have changed.  I am sure that there are many stories that will be shared and numbers exchanged.  We will look at the pictures of each other's children and be amazed that we are really adults now (most pushing 40).  We will be shocked that our high school days are long over and some of us have children that will be entering high school in a few years.  Some of us have college students.  That's a scary thought to me, but I realize that life did move on swiftly; it is filled with swift transition.

And although I am in awe with the way that has taken place in life, I am looking forward to seeing how far we have all come.