Thursday, June 26, 2014


I cannot believe it has been almost a month since I wrote a post.  I don't know if it was laziness that kept me away from the computer this long or just being in a creative slump.  I believe it was more the latter concern that had me holding the couch down on my days off instead of taking my laptop to my neighborhood coffee shop or Barnes and Noble to finish my latest project.  I mustered up enough creativity to help my pastor finish another chapbook project and then back into the slumps I went.

The question I often ask myself is this: For me to be someone that loves to be creative - loves to draw, paint, and write - why is procrastination always my nemesis?  Why do I wrestle with it so?  I know it's not because I'm lazy.  My work output in my 9 to 5 (or rather, 7 - 6) is proof of that.  Why is the demon of procrastination harassing me when I know I am capable of being a creative person everyday.

When I was a girl, I spent countless hours writing stories and poems, drawing pictures, and daydreaming.  The urge to create was not a once a month venture; it happened everyday.  EVERYDAY.  It was like eating, sleeping, and breathing.  It was second nature.  My family saw my projects as part of who I was as a person.  For some reason, as I grew older everything else in life got in the way of that second nature.  I retrained myself to be a hard worker in other areas (namely other areas that pay the bills) and lost the ability to produce something everyday.

I hate that I allowed myself to turn into that person.  I had always promised myself that I would be the same creative person I was as a child because it kept me sane; being the same inventive person was necessary to my survival.

And now, I am not that person - not really.  I  mean, on the inside, yes.  I feel the urgency to be innovative and unique and eccentric.  That is something that cannot be systematically changed.  I think that is because I am built to be this person.  By nature, I am designed by God to be "a creative".  But one lesson I think we are all subject to learn in life is that the minute you get away from what you are designed to do, you begin to lose the essence of who you are.

So what is the resolution?

A few weeks ago I was praying about this very issue...this issue of me getting so far away from the real me.  I was sad because I felt totally isolated.  This has been a very real concern of mine for years because I was not connected to the world of creative people (creatives) and that too has been the reason for so much substantial growth as a child in the pursuit of being who I was born to be.  I had connections in that world of artists, writers, poets, and innovators; this is what keeps you vibrant too when you are surrounded by members of your own tribe.

I began to pray about who I should be connected to, not just what projects I should find myself working on and books to finish writing.  Those endeavors are great, but what if you don't have anyone to connect with to help you slog through the processes that those projects require?  What if no one reads what you write?  What if no one looks at your pictures and paintings and asks the right questions to help you add that one missing element that will make those visual displays of artistry complete?

God just answered that prayer in an amazing way.  I am now connected to people that are also working through the creative process in their own worlds.  I am not alone.  And now, honestly, I have a reason to keep pursuing new avenues of creativity, belonging somewhere with people of my own tribe.

This is more important than simply doing things and having all these projects.  This is ideal for a person like me, who longs daily for a place to belong.

Does this solve the battle with procrastination or lack of fulfillment?  No.  No, it does not.  But what it does now is it gives me accountability with others that understand me and understands why it is so important to be who God made me to be.

With that being said, I have now decided to move forward with some creative ventures that my readers and those perusing my blog may find interesting.

I will be starting a new blog which is fully devoted to poetry, art, and photography.  I will not write on that blog as I do on this one because it will not be designed for that purpose.  This blog will remain the place it has always been for the past 6 years or so: a place for me to flesh out some thoughts through the written word.

Next, I have a Facebook Page separate from my regular page that is devoted to Myowneworld creativity and spirituality through art and photography.  This is the place where people can follow me in a more "real time" method as I begin this new journey.  I have no idea how to move with this page but at least it keeps me connected everyday in "real time" in ways having a more detailed blog will not.

And I will continue to fight the battle against the very thing that tried to silence who I really am.  Nothing is more important than being the person God made you to be.