Theological Differences

I did not go to church yesterday - the first time in a really long time that I took the Sabbath day off from a formal religious gathering. There were many reasons that I won't get in to, but there was one in particular that was solidified later in the day. I knew that this was the Sunday that the 2008 election would be discussed.

My mom came home very nearly irate that some members of the church leadership staff had declared some unrealistic stances on the upcoming election. I had known that our pastor would announce to the congregation the person she was voting for, and although I totally respect her decisions and opinions in most things, I was a little concerned. Her decision to vote for a candidate of choice was not based on sound principles, and as I told my mom, I do not have a right to take issue with anyone's election choices. This is our personal right as American citizens and as Christians.

However, my only issue lies in how we as Christians form our opinions and decisions. We have a responsibility to be informed. We have a responsibility to make those decisions fully engaged in the process. We definitely should not make choices based only on one level of life (just the spiritual level, which does intertwine with all the others). We should not just focus spiritually, racially, economically, or intellectually. We have to take into consideration every facet, take serious thought on all levels, and be fully ready to make any move.

There were a few areas that my mother reported to me that raised some major concerns for me in terms of how the members of our church were directed to vote this year. The following are a few statements that were announced by various members of the leadership staff across the pulpit yesterday:

1) "I am not telling you who to vote for but you should vote righteously. It's about Kingdom."

2) "You can't be concerned about color (race)."

3) "Don't worry about the economy. God will take care of us. We are of a different Kingdom."

4) "I used to be a Democrat but now I am a Republican."

5) "Obama is for abortion and gay marriage."

6) "Palin is a tongue-talking believer."

Let me say this. Each of these statements does have some element of fact to it. My concern is that I worry that although the disclaimer was made that no one is saying who to vote for, there is no doubt in my mind that there is a lot of subtle advertising going on. I think the reality is a subliminal message is being promoted. And as much as I love my church and my people, I am having a hard time stomaching the message.

And I also want to say that each of these statements have caused me to raise my eyebrows at the silent justification behind each of them. I worry that who we are as Christians is being misconstrued and the one thing everyone needed to hear was not said. I will address the above statements, but I want to direct your attention to a blog-article I read this morning by Jim Wallis on the Sojourners' website. The jist of it was this: We as Christians have a duty to remember that when we vote we have to vote not just for ourselves but for those who live in the margins, the ones that will be more directly affected by the outcome of this election, and (dare I say) those who do not know this Christ we hold claim to.

That is my segue into my responses to the above statements, and I will try to be as objective as possible in case someone that attends my church is reading this blog. I do not want to be guilty of the same issue I am highlighting - trying to persuade anyone of who they should or should not vote for. (I doubt anyone will read this, but I have to be careful as a writer and a thinker that I do not necessarily put my opinions into it too deeply.)

Statement 1: When someone is Kingdom-minded, they must be very careful not to forget that the Kingdom of God is not merely an opposite of this earthly kingdom. It is the Kingdom that is ultimately meant to show these earthly kingdoms the reign and rule of our God. We are not to separate our own experience on this earth from the experiences of those who live outside the parameters of God's Kingdom. We also must remember that voting righteously means voting not only with integrity but voting for integral people. I leave that for now - subject to interpretation.

I realized too that when this statement was made that this was almost a bit misleading because the people (me, included) in this church (and in most churches) depend so heavily on the opinions of our leadership staff. And well we should because they are our spiritual leaders. But that dependence can be faulty too because what if, as in this situation, those opinions are not well-thought out or are based on the opinion of someone else (that may not truly understand the plight of the people in our church or in our neighborhoods or in our city)? And also, I hate to say it, but those opinions can actually be more harmful than good if they are not based on investigation and definite evidence.

In this case, yes, we definitely need to make righteousness the rule. But we have to at least listen to both sides before we make a choice. And my fear is that this has not happened. Even King Solomon listened to the two mothers fighting over one baby even though he knew that only one woman had given birth to the child.

Statement 2: This statement burned me a little because as much as I want to forget about the race issues that have surfaced in lieu of a possible Black (bi-racial) President, how can anyone - Christian or otherwise be so blind to the obvious? Of course this is about race. Of course we have to be concerned about race. God clearly had a reason for a Black (bi-racial) man to be running in this race against a White man. Though we know within the Body of Christ there is no male or female, Jew or Greek, slave or free, that does not eradicate the existence of the mosaic of mankind.

And then, I have to think in terms of the more recent past and the many, many African-Americans (my grand and great-grandparents, included) that went through so much for us to get to this point. No, we definitely should not vote according to race, but we have to remember where this country was even 40 years ago. Come on, now. Where this country was not only affects where this country is now but where the Church in this country is now. Race is important, not only to this election but to what happens - even in our churches - after this is "over" next week Wednesday.

Statement 3: God is taking care of us - His Son's Body and Bride. We are the blessed and beloved. But while we may be covered in this season of economic struggles and pains (though, I know that even in our church there are many that are living paycheck to paycheck, if they are receiving one at all), where does this leave this world we are called to reach? There are so many marginalized poor families and individuals that do not have that assurance. There are people I meet everyday that live below the poverty line, and while we may not have to be concerned for ourselves, we do to be concerned for them.

What is our responsibility as the Church during this hour? We are called upon to be concerned for those who are disadvantaged, disenfranchised, and disabled. We have to be concerned about the widow and the fatherless. And we cannot forget that we do in fact know them, and in some cases have been where they are. To not be concerned about the state of this economy and vote with that reality in view is not only un-Christian but it is irresponsible.

Statement 4: In one of my earlier posts (The 2008 Elections: A Christian Response?) I talked about this very issue. I was concerned about how Christianity and Republicanism is at times looked at synonymously. And this statement made yesterday made me wonder if that same fallacy had crept into the philosophy of a man I have respected since I met him. I still respect him, immensely, but I have some questions that need answering.

I do not have a problem with him for voting for McCain, whom he is campaigning for and is in fact going to his previous church in Ohio to try and influence minority voters to vote for him, too. I have decided to respectfully disagree with him on many of the issues he raises in his arguments for this candidate. However, I find it hard to believe that he would affiliate himself with any group or party or faction.

You can vote for who you want, but your primary allegiance and vocal affirmation must be to Jesus Christ alone. For me, saying that you are or a Republican or a Democrat or an Independent or a Green Party Member raises a lot of questions for me in terms of how far should Christians go into the kingdom systems of this American society and government. Should we be willing to label ourselves? Should we side with any party or simply stand on the principles of the Kingdom of God (which may in fact be totally opposite of any party's standards and principles)?

Statement 5: I will not get into the details of this statement. The only thing I will say is that generally speaking these concerns are definitely reasons I gave initially for not considering Obama. But then I listened to the debates and the conventions for both sides, and I knew that if what was being said was indeed true standpoints and not just a bunch of hokey to get votes, there is more to it than what we generalize.

My problem in this general statement is it shows that there was no investigation into what either candidate said and meant. The person that made this statement never watched one debate or viewed either convention. And that means the explanations were never considered. This does not mean I agree with Obama's stance, but I do agree with parts of it. I have to say that the only Person I have to fully agree with is God Himself. I can disagree with a man and still respect his views in certain things (and not completely follow him), but I believe that the only way I can totally be united to the cause of Christ is to agree fully and completely with His view.

I am a bit disappointed as I am sure you can tell from the length of this blog in the disregard for obtaining all the facts and the decisions made as a result. I believe and have been brought up to believe that the best way to live this life is to be fully engaged in it and not just accepting the disparities of life at face value. I do not believe in making decisions any other way. Be fully informed and then act prayerfully.

Statement 6: This last one really bothered me. Am I supposed to base my final vote on this woman's ability to speak to God in an unknown language? Am I supposed to say that if something were to happen to McCain (God forbid) while he is office, I should be totally assured that because she comes from a Charismatic Pentecostal church (apparently somewhat similar to mine? not sure, really) that she is definitely a shoe-in for the inheritance of the American Presidency?

I'm sorry, but I think not. My question will always remain, Is this person totally qualified to run this country if McCain is no longer able to? Is this person the one I think should make decisions for my future, my family's future, my country's future, or even the future of the church in this country? Does she walk in integrity? Does she care about the poor, the broken, the hurting? Is she the one to carry this country on her shoulders?

I cannot base the answers to those questions (and many more) on the basis of whether or not she speaks in tongues. The truth is, while that is a great spiritual gift to have, for me her ability to lead with integrity is the more beneficial of Christian attributes that I would look for in anyone that is going to help lead us to a new place. This statement showed me that perhaps my reasons and the reasons others in pastoral leadership gave are definitely contradictory.

As I stated in earlier posts, I have been strongly considering the next phase of my life and this includes moving on to a new spiritual landing place. My consideration in leaving this church does not solely rest on the issues I have raised in this blog, but I have to say that I do not share a common vision anymore with the leaders of this house in many ways. I love this church, have been a member for 11 years of my life, but I realize that perhaps my heart for ministry and the direction this church is going is too far removed from each other. Perhaps it is indeed time for me to move on, but I still love very deeply these people that God has used to help mature my faith.

I truly hope the members really think for themselves who they will vote for this year. I certainly have thought through my decision and plan to vote for the person I believe is the right leader for this country. And I hope that we all realize the value in not just going with the majority or even with what others may think. The only Person whose voice counts in the end is God's. And we need to trust the Spirit of God for ourselves.

MOSAIC Day @ Clintondale

A wonderful woman (who just happens to be a Christian - YAY!) at the high school where I work presented a really nifty idea to the staff there some months ago. Her idea to help build school community was to have an afternoon of workshops taught or lead by individual staff members focused around hobbies that could be presented to the students. Most every staff member excitedly agreed to lead sessions around the school - from bowling to sudoku, poetry to quilting. The afternoon's festivities would be called by one name - MOSAIC.

A mosaic is a puzzle with many intricate pieces that once formed presents a beautiful picture. Each piece brings uniqueness to the puzzle. The picture above was the logo printed on tees that the staff members wore, showing what Clintondale's definition of MOSAIC day meant to us. So many different people, with all manner of gifts and talents were opening themselves up to kids that otherwise wouldn't know the hearts behind their teachers and school staff members. I think it was a great idea, personally.

Yesterday was the big MOSAIC day at Clintondale, and I participated too as a way to draw into a more cohesive bond with the students and the staff since I am still relatively new to the school and one of the few African Americans on staff. I chose to teach a poetry workshop, where students would learn about performance poetry and would be given the opportunity to read their own poems in front of the group. As with each MOSAIC session, kids were assigned according to their preferences, and I had a whole group (except for one) of young people that love to write. They brought their poems and were ready to roll.

It was a great opportunity to talk about writing, present great poetry, and get to know others. The kids seemed to enjoy it, and my belief was solidified that my truest ministry to youth does involve writing and art. I can't wait until I can start that ministry. I am truly looking forward to making sessions like the one I led yesterday my way of life (besides creating and presenting my own work). I really felt like I was finally at home. And the truth is I believe those young people felt like they were at home, like they had a safe place to land too. I truly thank God for being part of His Mosaic.

Josiah's Eyes, at Six Months

I guess I should really re-name my blog Josiah's Page (or Myowneworld's Beautiful Baby Blog) and just say the rest of the entries are add-ons between baby arrivals and changes. Here is the beautiful little man again, and I believe the older he gets, the more he matures in his look, the more in love I am. He apparently has quite the personality, and it is evident in some of his other pictures where he is smiling and drooling and playing with his Mommy or Daddy. But the pictures I have posted on today's entry show his more regal side. I love the black and white and sepia pics of the little prince, and I truly cannot wait to meet him. This boy has the most passionate eyes ever. I love him and his mother so very much, and I hope that he brings her as much joy in real life as his pictures do for me - in distance.

Children Killing Children

(This picture was taken last evening of family members, teachers, and friends outside Providence Hospital in Southfield, Michigan after a young man was gunned down outside his high school. I believe the woman in the dark blue shirt being hugged is the boy's mother.)

On the news last night, there was a story about a shooting at a Northwest Detroit High School. As with any school shooting or any act of violence involving children or teens that I hear about or read about, I find myself sitting with tears in my eyes. A 16-year-old basketball-loving young man was shot three times and died. His mother and then his sister tearfully explained how he was taken from then so senselessly, and I was reminded of why my passion for young people is so strong.

So many young people are struggling. They are struggling to live; they are struggling not to die early and unfulfilled. They are fighting a battle that many were set to lose before birth. And the root cause of the struggle is the absence of fathers (and sometimes mothers). I encounter so many teenagers in my daily work at Clintondale High (and in other environments where I have staked my claim) who battle with not having (especially) a father to love them, guide them, and validate them. So they battle with life. And in the case of the boy that was killed, it can be at times a losing battle.

Yesterday afternoon, about two hours before that 16-year-old was killed, a young man sat in my office. We talked for nearly two hours about the direction his life was going. He graduated from the high school last school year and is planning on attending an area college for Computer Engineering. We started with talking about his future and ended up focusing a lot of our discussion around his past, around his beginnings. We focused attention on his relationship with his parents.

He told me he was very angry as a little boy because his father was not there. He was hanging around the fringes of his life but was not actively a part of the everyday times. This young man expressed that now that he is older he is not so much angry as he is realizing that his father had his own issues that kept him from being the kind of father he needed.

This young man also talked about his mother and how he could not figure out how she had raised him and his two siblings on her own without intervention from their fathers. The truth was all three children were turning out far better than statistics dictated, and the truth was they recognized their futures - unlike so many young people today that do not even think about the future because they do not believe they have one. But these three believe they have something to look forward to because their mother made sure that their futures would be protected no matter what.

When I got home and heard the report about the school shooting, all I could think about was the young man in my office, the teens that travel the halls at my school, and even the young people in my personal life that I care so deeply for. And I began to cry. I cried for how our babies are suffering and struggling and need their fathers. I cried for the souls of the children and teens that leave this earth so prematurely. I cried for the young man whose life was so tragically ended in gunfire.

This morning as I drove to work again, as I returned to the trenches again, I thought about how important fathers are. I did not have mine growing up and a lot of the teens I encounter in some way, form, or fashion do not have active father figures in their lives either. And it is not fair. I wondered where the fathers of those shooters were. The shooters yesterday were children themselves (15, 16, and 18) and the targets that were hit besides the young man that died were also 15 and 16 years of age respectively. Where were their daddies???? Were there any men in their lives at all????

To be honest, God sent men into my life to save me from a life of the streets, of sexual immorality, of poverty. If I had not had them - my grandfather, my stepfather, my uncle, my youth pastor, and my godfather - I may have ended up as a tragedy myself. I needed those men, and the children that do not have their fathers need men to stand up too. I grieve for this generation that does not have father figures to teach them - especially our young men. They are teaching themselves and living by the laws of the streets...kill or be killed.

There is a new song titled "My Life" put out by The Game and Lil' Wayne that is playing in heavy rotation on area radio stations. (Sidebar: The anthems of hip-hop are the songs of this generation. Their whole philosophies of life are based around the words of these artists that talk about the hard life of the ghetto, of the poor, of those who are indeed in the marginalized areas of all of our communities. The Game and Wayne are just examples of this. I have heard their music - have listened to the harsh poetry of the life I know but was blessed to escape.)

In this song, The Game says these lines: "...Like I needed my father, but he needed a needle." People ask why the young people love rap so much, why they repeat the lines, but won't pick up a book to read. The answer? Because they can bear witness to lines like this one and books may seem so far removed from the life they see everyday.

The young man in my office yesterday told me that his father drinks every day, gets "blowed" (smokes weed and drinks alcohol). Even now, he can't believe if his father calls him up (which he has been doing a lot more lately) to tell him that he loves him. He wants to believe that his father does love him but it is hard to believe when it seems like the father that should have helped raise you loves alcohol and weed and women and everything else in the world more than you.

The kids sing the songs because they know that what they hear is the only truth they will ever know unless someone enters in to change their perspective. Specifically, they need father figures to teach them about life and the correct battles to fight. Angry kids are fighting false battles - against other angry kids and that means lives are being lost in the crossfire.

So...I endeavor to be here for the young men and women like the ones that sit in my office to talk, that share with me their stories, that unburden their pains in my lap because I am woman enough to take it (straight to Jesus) and woman enough to care what happens to them. That is why I am here. God please help our kids. Please save them.

A New Little Princess To Adore

A really good friend of mine, Laneisha, and her husband Richie welcomed their first child, Zariyah Jewell two days ago. I was so mesmerized by their baby's beautiful face that I just had to write about her.

I love babies, and there are times I wish I was a wife and a mother. But nevertheless, although I am not, I try to love my friends' babies as much as possible. Zariyah is a new addition to this baby fan club. So I am already planning to buy dresses and little jeans and hair ribbons and shoes. But since she just got here, I know that I have time to love her, too, God willing.

Happy Birthday to Me

I celebrated my 31st birthday this past Saturday, and I have to say that I do not feel older, per se, but I do feel wiser, more retrospective, more settled in the fact that my life is heading into a new season. I am truly in my 30s now, whatever that means, and I know that this decade will be pretty life-changing.

I will likely change locations (moving to another part of the country and not just another part of Michigan), get married, obtain some graduate degrees, have children, buy a house or a condo, buy another car, start saving more money than I spend, make more life-affecting decisions, start my ministry endeavors working with kids, publish a couple more books, and begin traveling more after those books are published - all in my 30s. That is a lot to look forward to, a lot of goals to strive for. I am excited because engaging in all these things does bring more responsibility but also there will also be a lot more freedom to grow and change and allow God to affect the decisions I have to make. I won't be making them alone, but I won't be making them with the total input of other people, either.

It's not that decisions were made for me in my 20s but sometimes I do not think people viewed me as an adult. Sometimes, I think I was "monitored" a little more concerning the decisions I tried to make for myself. But now, I feel this sense of freedom that says I am able to change directions and go where God wants me to go without the approval of others, necessarily. Of course, we all need godly counselors in our lives but we really need to learn to trust God more than we trust the voice and opinions of others. I listen to the mothers in my life that speak what I may need to hear but I am at the point where I have learned to weigh all the options in my life along with what God is saying as well.

And that feels good.

I love being in my 30s. I didn't cry Saturday at all about turning 31. I appreciated the moment. I appreciated the freedoms being "grown" allots.

New Pictures

For my 31st birthday, my mom decided to pay for me to have professional pictures taken. My plan is to use these pictures on marketing material and on back cover copy for my books. I think they turned out pretty well and have decided to paste a few on the blog for some feedback.

Saying NO to Others While Saying YES to God

I said "No" yesterday.

Wow. Prolific, huh?

It is when you never say it. It is when you always make yourself available to meet the needs/wants/demands of others with little thought to the repercussions of what saying yes will mean for you.

One thing I have learned in this season of change and metamorphosis is that I need to make sure that whatever my answer will be, it needs to line up with what I believe God is saying to me. I have to admit that sometimes I make decisions with the best of intentions, with my heart in the right place, but I did not stop to consider what God had to say. I am so guilty of this - in a lot of areas in my life. But I am especially guilty of saying yes to people when I should say no and vice versa.

And the truth is...I am tired of putting myself in that position of not saying what I mean and meaning what I say. My stepfather always told me "Say what you mean and mean what you say." I guess what he was really hinting at was the importance of being sure.

One thing I am sure of is my relationship with God needs a makeover. I need to give that same level of commitment that I give to others in my life - that same yes - to Him. No one else really deserves that much loyalty. Of course being loyal to others is important. But not at the risk of missing out on what God really wants for you.

I made a decision 9 months ago that now I regret. I said yes to a good intention and now my life has been completely inconvenienced. Now the things that are important to me have been sacrificed again. I made a decision to help someone without asking God if I should. There are times when our attempts to help are interrupting what He is saying for those that we are trying to assist. And the person I tried to help ended up abandoning me to the winds of change, to the loneliness that I was trying to rescue her from, and to the realization that I should have gotten an "all clear" before I moved out of my own place of rest.

So, it is not her fault. She never asked me to help her; I took it upon myself to be made of steel - to be Superwoman, to be the one that could be relied upon. What I didn't realize is that God may have wanted her to live through a tough season in her life with Him alone.

Yesterday, while I was considering the next move I have to make, she called for a favor oblivious to the fact that I am all tapped out at the present moment, that I tried to give her before what she was asking for (and more) as a daughter, that I tried to be present for her, and she apparently no longer wanted what I had to offer when it was being offered or she simply was so wrapped up in her own cloud of misery, worry, loneliness, and stress that she couldn't pay attention to what was right in front of her. So...although I felt bad for saying it, I knew that I had to say no.

The long and short of it is because I have had to move on, I do not have time to return to the person I used to be. Nor do I want to. I can help her, assist her, say yes later.

For now...it's no. I have to say no because I said yes prematurely last time and have had to pay the cost for moving, albeit with good intentions, outside of God's will for me. The truth is the grace to be the one consistently called upon only when needed has lifted for me. I am not readily available for everyone - not if I plan on becoming the woman of purpose I have to be right now. Because in the midst of trying to intervene and make everyone else's life easier, I forgot about me. I forgot that my focus has to be God and fulfilling what He is requiring.

And sometimes that means I have to say no sometimes.

Own Your Faith - Class #3

This week's class started a little late because of my late arrival, but when I got there I was pleasantly surprised that more students had shown up. LaQuita, Brinn, and Mya were waiting with Bridgette. Chris came in a few minutes after I did. We headed to the gym, had a snack and then got started.

This week was a bit distracting as I had to rehash some of the details of the lessons we'd discussed in the two previous class periods. This is why I wanted, from the beginning, some level of commitment from the students so it wouldn't slow down the pace of learning. But, begin again we did. We didn't get away from the main character Abraham though we did begin talking about Isaac and his marriage to Rebekah, the continuance of the promise God gave Abraham, and Abraham's re-marriage after Sarah died. We stayed on the topic of marriage for quite a while, though I did try to rein it in.

I learned one thing this week - TEENAGERS HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING! This is why my class works as more of a dialogue class, but I really have to keep them on track or we will be in Genesis until December.

About halfway through the class another student showed up. Marcus is one of the young people at the church that did a complete 360 degree turnaround when he gave his life to Christ. He became very serious about reading his Bible for himself, learning about God, and what a true relationship with Him has to look like for him to be successful in his Christian walk. He is truly one of the leaders of the youth ministry, and my hope is that I can keep him interested in the discussions as well as keep the others engaged. I pray God will help me teach all these students that are on different levels of spiritual growth. I hope that this class adds fuel to their spiritual fires blazing within.

Own Your Faith - Class #2

The second class of "Own Your Faith" was such a tremendous blessing for me and for the kids too. I am not hung up over the amount of kids that showed up, honestly (only two this time - Bridgette and Chris again). I have been so inspired to keep conversing with them and teaching them about the Bible and what faith really means.

After debriefing for a bit about their day at school and what the best parts of their separate journeys were, I asked them a simple question about their favorite fairy tales. They named a couple - Chris even mentioned a myth he had learned about in his mythology class that day (Hercules). Then I asked them what a fairy tale actually was, what it was meant to do. We came up with the conclusion that fairy tales are stories that could never happen but still deliver a message for little kids to learn. My next question, as I placed my finger on top of my worn black leather Bible, was why is the Bible not a fairy tale?

Bridgette shrugged her shoulders and said as simply profound as any teenager ever could: "Because it really happened."

I smiled at her and knew then that she remembered the first lesson I taught them when the class began. The Bible is not simply a book you read and put back on the shelf. You read about the lives of real people that walked this earth and the God that intervened into their lives, desiring relationship with the men and women He made.

Then we dived in. Our character this week was Abraham. We had left off with Noah last time, and instead of reading the geneological listing of his offspring, I segued into the lesson with the message that God allowed all these generations to exist after Noah and the flood and you don't see Him selecting another man to carry out His mission on this earth. And then all of a sudden God decided to choose Abraham (then named Abram) out of his whole family along with his barren wife.

I asked them what they thought about that - the ability for God to choose a seemingly insignificant person out of a family and use him or her in such a tremendous way. I told them that they, like Abraham, were called by God to fulfill their own special missions on this earth.

After getting introduced to Abraham (Abram) and reading of God's designation for him to travel to another place away from his family and all he had ever known, we read and talked about God's promise to give Abraham and Sarah a son in their old age. Because we had already determined that the stories we were reading really happened and were true, we dissected what that had to mean to Abraham and Sarah to produce a son in their later years. I kept highlighting their ages - when God first gave the promise and when the child was finally born. Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 90 when their son Isaac was born.

And the kids got stuck there for a minute because after all, as I said over and over, 100 is still 100. Old is still old. I had the kids imagine a 90 year old woman giving birth to a child. That rocked their boats and got their minds to spinning. Those two kids really contemplated what a miracle that had to have been. We talked about the power of God to do the impossible in really difficult circumstances, and they really started to get it.

The next landmark we stopped to look at was the story of Abraham's willingness to obey God again and sacrifice his son. Chris said, "You mean to tell me the son that God promised, the son a 100 year old man was given, God told commanded that father to kill him?! No way! He didn't kill that boy, did he?"

I didn't answer his question; just told him we would find out. I laughed at his expression, his words, the way Bridgette shook her head in disbelief as she poked her nose into the pages of her Bible to see for herself if what I had said was true. The ironic thing was that the minister that spoke this past Sunday came from the same Bible passage (Genesis 22) and talked about the sacrifice of true worship. We began to dissect this passage indepthly as the kids contemplated what God was really asking Abraham to do to this promised child and Abraham's decision to obey.

They read for themselves, not waiting for me to read with them. They wanted to know the answers. And when they reached the part of the true miracle, I knew it. Chris sat back in his chair, smiling and breathing a sigh of relief that Isaac ( the promised seed) was spared. We talked about how God waited until just the moment Abraham was about to kill his son and then stopped him. God waited to see how far his obedience would take him.

This class was amazing, with just these two teens. They asked so many questions, I gave so many analogies and modern day as well as personal applications to the Words we were reading. And I could see the light bulbs go on. I believe they learned a little more about what faith in God really means. The disconnection between real life and "church life" was reconnected just a little bit when we began to talk about what Christianity has to mean.

I told them we as Christians believe in a God that can do the impossible, that has loved us so much that He gave up His Son in much the same way Abraham was about to, and that commands us to show that same measure of love to a dying world - to the people around us that are depressed, lonely, scared, isolated, and hopeless. That is our call.

I brought it home that way after talking about my own mistakes in this area. I told them how God taught me this same lesson the week before when I took a tour of a morgue in Macomb County and heard the story of one of the deceased men in that morgue that committed suicide, I could tell from the tears in Bridgette's eyes and the solemn look on Chris' face that I had touched them in some way. I can't wait to see the end result. I can't wait to see the Word of God germinate in their own lives.

I Am Not Sure Where I Stand

I am a Christian. I say that from the start. I have truly been a lover of God and His Christ since I was a little girl. So there is no issue there.

But as I have been thinking about the changes my heart and my life need to make while I climb deeper into my 30s, I am not certain of the "other things" that being a Christian in this world means. We are identified by the churches we attend, the ministries that we affiliate ourselves with, the denominational platforms up on which we stand. I have attended three churches in my entire lifetime, rooted in different ways in the African-American community out of which I was culturally and spiritually born: African-Methodist Episcopal, Full Gospel Baptist, and Church of God in Christ. And on top of all that, I attended a colleged immersed in Reformed theology - which is a predominantly White denomination.

I never understood or wanted to understand any of the philosophies that make these churches or the school I attended so different from one another. I never wanted to be a part of separatism in any form, due largely in part to the isolation and loneliness of my upbringing. For me denominationalism breeds separatism which in turn breeds loneliness, isolation, and mistrust for others that may or may not believe the same traditional things. I always stood on the belief that as long as we agree that God is Who He says He is, that Jesus is Who He says He is, the Holy Spirit does what He was sent to do, and the Godhead Trinity still invades our sinful lives through a Bloody Redemption, there is nothing else to be concerned about.

Perhaps that is naive, but I am not comfortable looking for any other reasons to be defined as separate from others. Humanity divides enough by color, classism, racism, economics, and even demographics. The Body of Christ has no right to do that; we are supposed to stand on Kingdom Principles. That is our call.

Somehow that has gotten missed in the whole scheme of things.

I am encountering some truths right now about this. I am not so sure of what my commitment must look like to the world. I am not sure of the faith circle that I am to enter after my season is up at the church I attend right now. One resolution I am certain of is that my choice must resonate with God's will for my life, and I believe that He wants me to step out of the box of denominational walls.

I have been studying and seeking for about six months now. I am not seeking faith, in and of itself. I am seeking a place, a church that is not interested in being separated from other members of the Body of Christ. I have courted some expressions of Christian faith, such as the Emergent Church Movement and although I admire the stance some of the leaders of this movement take on social justice and faith matters, I am not completely convinced that is the place I need to be either.

There are so many elements to joining a ministry that people fail to understand. The one basic element is whether you feel comfortable, accepted, and yet appropriately challenged enough to grown in your faith in the church you choose to attend. I know too that most importantly is God's voice in the matter. I am a firm believer that if you are a Christian, you have to let God lead you in the right direction. Attending church is right up there with all other important decisions we are supposed to make.

So, right now I am listening and praying and seeking. I am reading a lot of books with my Bible, primarily ones that talk about journeying to new places in God, the search for a more grounded faith, and the importance of relationship with God. It is my prayer that in the end, I will know exactly where I am to be and who is to care for my soul in this next phase of my life.

My Return to Myself as Artist

I haven't drawn pictures in so long that I almost forgot the enormous thrill of pressing a stick of charcoal or a colored pencil against a blank creme colored page of a sketch book. I almost forgot the almost out-of-body experience of getting lost in a picture - ignoring everything going on around me in order to capture the essence of that which I was reproducing on the page. I could stay there for hours as a little girl and then a teenager.

About a month after my mom's friend Jo died, I went to the Michael's Craft Store not far from my house and bought a 9 inch x 12 inch sketch book with those same familiar creme pages and a package of charcoal pencils. I already had a pack of colored pencils and a tin of pastels waiting at home. I waited a couple days before I started a picture. I wanted to remember the artist I used to be - the one that took art classes as a child, the one that pinned pictures to every available white space of wall in her bedroom as a teen, the one that painted pictures with acrylics and watercolors, the one who designed papier-mache' sculptures, and the one that loved the feel of cool clay in her hands as she shaped balls of clay into animals, people, vases, bowls.

I remembered her, and I knew that I had to embrace her again. I believed that I had received something from Jo as the last person to touch her face before she departed for heaven. I believed that I had received a mandate to return to myself, to return to the artist hiding deep within and covered up with so many other concerns - concerns that truly did not belong to me.

So I began to draw. The first picture I drew was of a woman's face. I felt like I was just practicing, to see if I still had the gift. I did. The next one is the picture that accompanies this post.

This picture was drawn as I watched my god-daughter Terryl-Lynn crawling around on her grandmother's bedroom floor. The picture was supposed to capture her as an 11-month-old, but the end result was of how I believed she would look within a year. And I realized that I was able to see as I used to; I was able to tap into that creativity and produce a work of art again.

This is one of my favorite pictures for now, but I know that this will not be the only one. The artist within is surfacing again. Jo would be so proud.

Jo's Artistic Transition

I have been thinking about my mother's best friend Jo Ann Russau lately. She was a great friend to my mom, who does not have very many close sister-friends in her life. She is a bit of a loner at times, and Jo helped pull the life of an artist out of her. My mother, like Jo, is an artist but not until recently did she truly tap into that potential lying dormant on the inside of her.

Jo herself was a great painter, living in the art district of San Pedro, California and teaching art at LACES High School in Los Angeles. She lived the kind of life I could only dream of living at this point and am truly pursuing now that I am making some poignant changes in my life to fully embrace the dual calls on my life of writing and creating artwork.

Jo died of breast cancer in May 2008. My mother and I had quickly flown to her side when we heard the news that she had started a rapid decline in her health. I remember the day Jo's sister Bev had sent a message through one of our cousins that Jo was dying and was asking for my mom. I walked into my mother's house all prepared to carry out the plans we had made for the day and found her sitting on the couch sobbing.

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach because I knew that something horrible had happened. When my mother choked out the explanation, I sat down on the arm of her leather chair and just stared at her, unable to believe that this woman who had clearly made a major impression in my mom's life was leaving it so suddenly. I had heard that she was still going through chemotherapy for the cancer the doctors thought had returned, even after her mastectomy. I thought she was doing better, but apparently, she wasn't and the cancer was spreading into her brain.

My mom and I boarded a plane the next week at Detroit Metro so that she and Jo could have one more opportunity to be together. I did not want to believe she would die; I wanted to believe that God would miraculously heal her and stay the hand of death. But that was not to be. A couple hours before we were to catch our return flight to Michigan, Jo departed this life. She had spent some time with my mom during the two days we were there in her beautiful artist's loft staring into Mom's eyes mostly and not speaking many words, as we surrounded her with prayer and love and songs.

About an hour before she died on that early Sunday morning, I awoke from my air mattress positioned near her hospital bed and got up to check on her. Her humming and singing in her sleep woke me as it had the night before. However, Friday night she had been singing "Hallelujah" in such a jovial manner that though our sleep was broken we all quietly listened to her praise of God in rapt attention with tears streaming down our faces because although she was physically dying, her spirit was quite evidently alive and filled with adoration for God. Her cancer was not the most important element in that room. That early Sunday morning her songs of praise were not entirely discernible to my ears. She was not evoking praise through clear, understandable language; it was if she was humming only for God alone. It was also as if she were already in this magnificient place of praise and worship. You could see it on her face.

I stood next to her bed and watched her in the dim light of the lamp a few feet away, turned down low so as not to disturb our rest. But as I took in her form, listened to her humming quite expressively, I realized that she could never have been disturbed. She was consciously not there anymore. She was leaving; her eyes were closed and focused on a place I could not see. I paced the room praying, asking God what was going on. I stood across the room, stock-still and listening deeply to what was really happening in the spiritual realm. Then I returned to her side and gently rubbed her face, letting her know that someone was there.

She stopped humming momentarily but did not open her eyes. I knew that she recognized the touch and I smiled. When it suddenly got very cold in the room, I battled with staying near her or returning to my air mattress and covers. Returning to the air mattress won out, so after I covered her with a thin quilt, I laid back down.

I told others later that I had not been tired, had not been sleepy. It was 3:15 California time but 6:15 according to my body's clock. I was definitely accustomed to waking early for work. But for some reason, not even five minutes after I covered up with the blanket to shield out this otherworldly cold, I fell back to sleep. When I suddenly opened my eyes, my mind telling me that I did not hear her hum as my lullaby anymore, I sat straight up.

All the lights were on, and my mom and Bev were standing next to her bed. They both turned to look down at me as I stared up at them horrified. I knew what the silence meant. I knew what their silence and shocked looks meant.

I leapt up from the now nearly deflated air mattress and went to check Jo's vitals as my mom called her name over and over, patting her chest and rubbing her face. There was no response, no answer, no hum, no song, no breath...no life. Jo was gone - utterly and completely. Apparently, she had slipped away with her God between the time I touched her face for the last time and when her sister came downstairs to check on her, finding her very still and not moving anymore.

I thought it very significant that Jo left before my mom and I did. She left this world to be with her Heavenly Father. The artist that she so brilliantly was departed to be with the Greatest Artist of all.

I have been thinking of that weekend in May more as I talk to my mom about how she feels now that her friend is no longer here. She told me the other day that she still doesn't understand how God could take her best friend, how God could take Jo away. They had made so many plans for the future, and it would seem that those plans disappeared the moment Jo disappeared from sight. I did not know what to say to my mom; I did not have an answer for her. But what I could do was hug her because I was there when my mom had to say goodbye.

I will never forget the way my mother cried as she knelt beside Jo's body. I will never forget the fragility and brokenness I saw as she poured out herself before God, inwardly asking God what she was supposed to do without Jo and also who her true friends were. There had really been only one, and now she was in another place that felt so very far away.

I still have no answer. We have both lived through significant losses and still there is no answer as to why separation tears us apart internally. But every once in a while, I think back to the life Jo lived and the paintings she birthed and the portraits she produced and the place where she artistically lived and the students that she so evidently touched. And I also think of the ocean I got to see - the one she loved to walk near, breathing in deeply the smell of the salty air and watching intently the crash of the waves on the shore.

When I think of those things, I know that the essence of Jo, her truest form and richest expressions live on, just as surely as God's Presence lives on eternally. And though we must endure broken hearts, God has promised that He will fully mend and heal. He has promised and because I know someone as wonderful and artistic as Jo cannot just cease to exist - her spirit was just too vibrant - we will see her again. There is no other option. I choose today to believe that; I choose today to know that.

The beautiful thing about art, I have come to realize, is that even though we may have to leave this earth, that which we made remains as evidence that not only did we once live here...through our art, we still do. The painting above is Jo's proof of that.

Moving Into a New Season

I have attended church, in one capacity or another, all of my life - first with my grandparents and then with my mother. I was not in a position to choose my own church, obviously, and went where my family went. I learned about what being a Christian really means in the early days of attending worship services in these different environments.

But now...I am 30 years old and trying to map my own way, trying to own my faith (as I am teaching the youth at my current church to do). This is exciting and a bit scary as I reevaulate what I want my life to look like as this grown woman. The church I am still attending in Port Huron, Michigan was also chosen in some ways by others as I never intended to stay in the region for long. However, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I have been there - not really fitting in, not really growing in all areas of my spiritual development as I thought I should, but still learning invaluable lessons about faith and life and love in the midst of it for 3.5 years. The pastor (along with her now deceased husband) of the church was a spiritual covering for nearly 11 years, and I have been helped in many ways by their leadership.

Yet there is this feeling, this level of discontent that I cannot shake and this pervasive sense that my time in this spiritual haven is drawing to a close. I realize that my days are numbered at the church and soon, I will need a change. This change involves choosing for myself the next church I am meant to attend.

I have wrestled with what this apparently means for my life, now. Does this mean that I am to leave one ministry in order to jump feet first into another one right away? Should I just visit churches and not immediately join up with another? Or should I take some time off to determine what God is saying to me personally? Am I going to be okay with the choices that I make for my spiritual growth?

I believe that I have been equipped for most of my life to know the direction as God was leading me on my spiritual journey. I have sat under the tutelage and leadership of great men and women of God, and what I have learned from them will help me know what the next step should be, who my next spiritual authority leaders should be. But more than that, I believe that God has graced me with His Presence. He is leading me into the next place because it is my life that will be impacted this time. I am allowed to choose the next place, but God will also lead me where He wants me to go if indeed I possess the mind of Christ in this matter.

I am a bit scared as to what all these changes will mean and what these changes will look like a month, 3 months, 6 months, or a year from now. Who will I be? What kind of ministry will be birthed from me as I embark on the next destination? Whose life will I be able to impact as a result of this decision to move on?

All I know is that I must do certain things for me, now. I have lived my life in the shadow of other people's decisions, but this time it is my turn to shift into the next place. And I believe God is fully capable of leading me where He deems for me to go.

Josiah's Eyes Again

My friend Tashara emailed me again with more pictures of little Josiah, who is now five months and absolutely gorgeous. I once again went "ga-ga" over how beautiful he is and the expression in his eyes. I saw all his expressions on the pictures and realized thatI couldn't let another five months go without meeting this little prince. I will be heading to Chicago in November and hope to meet him then, hope to look into his eyes and see his vibrant and jubilant spirit, and hope to hug my friend again.

I haven't seen her since July of last year, and I miss her. So many changes have taken place in both our lives: she has made some life-changing and life-affirming decisions and so have I. There is so much I want to share with her, and she also wants to share some joys with me - one of which is her baby boy. I will certainly thank God for the gift of meeting him. His eyes have enraptured me since the first time I saw him, and I have no doubt that when I hold him in November, he will continue invading my heart with his smile and his laughter and his sweet baby ways.

Becoming Who I Already Am - A Published Author

For a long time, I always felt that publishing was something I was meant to do, but writing is what I was born to do. I was born in 1977, the youngest child of a single mother in the inner city of Grand Rapids, to be a Scribe of the Times. There has always been this inclination that my birth was necessary and significant to this world; I wasn't meant to take up space.

But as I got older and the innocent self-affirming mindset I grew up with was replaced by a feeling of unworthiness and uncertainty, I put my dream of publishing my stories and poems on the back burner. Even though teachers and family members and friends proclaimed that I was blessed with an extraordinary gift of creative expression (in writing and in art), I simply didn't believe in myself. So, I hid my gift, hid this uncanny ability to put into manifestation that which existed in the deep caverns of my soul.

And I never pursued publication - at least not mainstream publication.

I wrote poems and drew pictures, giving them away to people I loved. But that was all. Finally, at the age of 27, I self-published a poetry/devotional book through iUniverse. The book was beautiful, and I did feel this growing seed deep within that said my words were supposed to be captured in book form when I finally held the finished product in my hands. But the problem was I just assumed people in my life would buy it. I didn't really want to sell it in the mainstream marketplace because I kept telling myself that I wasn't a salesperson; I couldn't promote this book even though I had poured my soul into. Somehow that felt wrong.

So nobody really bought it - not the majority of the people at church, not my pastors, not even my family at first. The problem wasn't that they didn't love me or I wasn't a good writer. I knew I had a voice; I knew I was born to make a sound. They didn't know even when the book was available or where to get it from because I didn't really believe in myself as a writer. I didn't believe in my words or my ability. And the truth was...that was wrong too!

The reality though is that I never stopped writing. Even though I was a wimp when it came to selling "The Divine Romance" I was not a wimp when it came to putting my pen to the paper as I had been born to do. I kept getting ideas and feeling like if I didn't write them down, I would creatively combust.

And before long I started to believe again, as I did as a little girl, that my words are meant to be expressed to the world. They should never, ever be hidden again.

So, three years after "The Divine Romance" came out, I have worked diligently on completing two more manuscripts: "We Run From Ourselves" (a fictionalized narrative) and "Father to the Fatherless" (a autobiographical proclamation, declaring God's call for saving our youth). Instead of self-publishing again, I have felt the mandate to send out my work to publishing companies that accept unsolicited manuscripts and to available agents. I believe in the work God has given me to do, and I know there is somebody out there that will believe in the work too.

I am sending the words out, after doing my homework and carefully formulating my proposals. I am seeking for that which I was born to obtain - the opportunity to speak to a receptive audience with the hope that the world will be impacted by my words.

"The Divine Romance"

In 2005 I published a devotional/poetry book called "The Divine Romance." I wrote the poems included in this 30-day devotional as a teenager and young adult that was both young in the faith and also seeking a much deeper faith to grow into. I included Scripture references and written devotions to go along with the poems.

I haven't been as active in promoting the book as I should have been but I know that this book has impacted many people that have bought and read it. My hope and prayer is that it reaches the lives it is supposed to in order to help people delve deeper into the mystery of God's love. I also feel that it is time to really step out in faith and affirm the book I believe God blessed me to write and publish.

Believing in one's own gift is important. It matters. So I have had to remember the way it felt to write those poems and get the book ready for release. I had to remember because this gift that God gave me is a significant part of who I am, and I cannot be ashamed of my ability to write and minister to other people. So I am posting it here and how the book can be purchased since a lot of people have asked where the website is.

Own Your Faith - Class #1

This was a very interesting class indeed. I was expecting more students but only had three, which, in terms of any ministry or class just starting out that is pretty much voluntary (with teens everything in church is voluntary when you think about it), is good. I had a class that was ready to learn and apparently was excited that I was teaching them. I found this out later.

Dayvon, Chris, and Bridgette had notebooks and pens, although Dayvon forgot his Bible. He had a good excuse because his mom had just picked him up from football practice at his high school and had forgotten it at home en route to church. After getting the group settled in, we started talking about what the class would look like as the weeks progressed, what I was requiring, and what I would try to do to keep them engaged.

And then we jumped right into Genesis and the Pentateuch. This class is a Survey class as I said before so I gave them a little background but not much. Really I just wanted to get them reading and dialoguing about what we were seeing right away. Chris chimed in on pretty much every question, Dayvon listened and at times answered questions, and Bridgette (being the only girl) kind of stayed in reserve mode. But it was all good. It was just the first day, and even I was beginning to wonder which way I should go.

I think the first class was really just a day to see how the kids thought about Scripture and God and faith. I asked a pointed question like the others I was posing through our time together about what it means to be a Christian, what it means to believe in Christ, what it means to be saved. And the surprising thing for me after I asked was the pervasive silence.

They simply didn't know, and at that moment, I realized that for all the calisthenics of faith that we performed at our church during worship services and events, these kids still didn't really know why we were there or why the "grown-ups" were so crazily attached to this thing called "church." Did we lose them somewhere? In the midst of our grapplings with Christianity did we lose our kids at that last bend in the road and didn't realize it? Were we really not paying close enough attention?

Oops.

The kids in my class are not what we in the Christian theological world like to call the "un-churched." These kids come to church every Sunday with their parents and have been for a long time. But somehow in the midst of our at times misguided efforts to engage them in the faith, we have missed the point of simply stating to them what our faith is, what constitutes our faith, what makes us faithful to the cause.

I knew then what the class had to be for them. It had to be more than hooplah or fanfare. I had been worried that they were bored with all the questions and Bible-reading we were doing even on the first day. But that was the problem - us "grown-ups" being worried that they needed to be physically entertained and not spiritually taught and fed. By nature I am not a hype, jump-around-run-around-give-God-praise-and-when-it's-all-over-we'll-read-a-verse-teacher. I am the type of person that wants to present information that will get kids talking and thinking and hopefully believing.

So this first night, I knew, even though I only had three kids the direction we would need to go. We needed a genesis - a beginning place, a launching place to start. We would start to play games; I would ask questions. We would read the Word with more deliberate intention; I would pry into their heads so they would know for themselves what this faith thing is all about. If it is something they are supposed to be able to own, they have to be confident in their ability to know what they believe. And in the end they would know that God's Word can answer the issues that arise in their lives and it would direct their paths as it has so consistently directed mine.

So we start with (a) Genesis...

"Own Your Faith" - Looking Forward to Class #1

Tonight is the first "Own Your Faith" class with the teens at my church. I feel a bit anxious but I believe they will learn a lot. I will learn a lot as well. There is an unspoken excitement for these young people to learn the Word in much the same way as I learned it - 15 years ago. I learned how to engage God's Word in an atmosphere that invited questions and dialogue and discussion. Not to mention, I had this profound respect for my teacher and youth pastor Jermone Glenn. I hope these kids feel the same way about me; I hope I can be a moral compass pointing the way to Christ. The reception of the Bible when I was 15 years old changed how I related to it - not as simply a book with a lot of lofty theological or moral lessons, but a "lamp to my feet" and a light to my path.

I want that same thing for the 10 or so kids that will sit in tonight, curious as to what I will bring them. This class is for them; I've said that several times. I just hope it really, truly is...for them. I want them to know God on a deeper level - not simply as an unknown deity or the source of good feelings and goosebumps as I fear He has been reduced to...even in my own life at times. I forget too that He is a Person (the highest expression and illumination of us all) and that He made me to worship Him beyond the boundaries that my humanity has set. I too want to go deeper.

My goals for this class are simple, quite frankly. I want God to use me so one day He can use them.

The 2008 Elections: A Christian Response?

I usually am not into politics and the political rhetoric that surrounds elections because I believe as most do that poilticians are liars by trade. I believe only half of what they say when they are on the campaign trail and seek to dissect their actions by way of prayer and discernment when they are later voted in to office.

But I believe this is the first year that I have been forced to pay attention to what is going on in the political scene more than the previous presidential elections that I have been old enough to vote in. This is the first year that I have realized that my voice as a Christian in this American society has to matter, more than any other. I am not sure why, but I have a sneaking suspicion it has to do with the coming of the Kingdom of God, the will of the Father, and the demand for a more public response by the redeemed.

At the beginning of the bids for presidential nominees from both major parties on the political landscape of America back in 2006, I did not have a desire to see Barack Obama or John McCain voted in as president. I looked at Hilary Clinton, primarily because I truly felt that this country needed a woman's leadership (and still does). But when she lost the Democratic nomination and Barack Obama pushed ahead to win that victory, I realized that on many levels I needed to consider what my response should be.

The first response I had to give was my position as a Christian Black woman on the major issues plaguing this country that needs Godly leadership and intervention on: abortion, the war in Iraq, United States militarism, racism, poverty, education, and the economy (to name a few). These things definitely matter to me, and in my heart, I believe they matter to God. These things have affected this country in many negative, self-destructive ways, and we are in need of better leadership than what the Republican and the Democratic parties have presented as viable leaders.

I realized as a second response that I am not privy to either side - to either the Dems or the Repubs. I do not share an affiliation with either point of view. But to be honest, as Shane Claiborne and many in the so-called Emergent Church movement have stood upon and Derek Webb so boldly stated in his song, as a Christian "my first allegiance is not to a flag or to a democracy or blood; it is to a King and a Kingdom." Or as that King stated in His Prayer in John 17:16 (Amplified Version) "They are not of the world (worldly, belonging to the world), [just] as I am not of the world."

I stand on these foundations, but the questions I have raised in my mind and heart deal more with the principles I hear represented on some of the Christian talk radio (specifically Bob Duko's show) and in some of the viewpoints of those who share my faith in that King and Kingdom. And I wonder if we have started applying definitions and labels to worldly positions that are inappropriate or unwise or to say the very least, are not God-inspired.

One of the things that I have gathered as I have considered the direction that this country has gone in and the future of this world where I live but do not hold any allegiance to, is that many people think that if you are a Christian you are to be considered part of the "religious right" as we have been labeled or are to boxed in as a "right-wing conservative" which is clearly the position true Republicans hold. If you are truly a Christian then you are truly a Reublican by nature and by virtue of the faith that you uphold. Democrats can be Christian but if they are truly upholding the principles of the Bible there is no way they can stay there and must either be converted to Reublicanism or be identified as Independents in need of conversion.

But what happens if you are indeed a Christian, disagree with pro-choice or the legalization of abortion but also disagree with spending billions of dollars on a war that is simply lining the pockets of some of the Republican elite (i.e. George Bush)? What if the principles on which you stand are not illuminated in the lives and the decisions of those that are supposed to be supporters of that same "religious right"? What if you know in your gut that the people that say they are Christian and are holding political office are not exemplifying the truth of the Kingdom of God as they should be?

How do you vote then?

So...as I have been paying attention to this election more than any other, I have drawn a few conclusions:

(1) I may or may not be Republican, but I am definitely a Christian that believes in the principles of the Kingdom of God and its mandates. God's Kingdom will come, and the kingdoms of this world (including the Empire of the United States of America) will pass away but God's reign will not.

(2) I may or may not support the Democratic agenda of giving a more solid voice to the people of this country in government, but I do support the Kingdom of God infiltrating the government that the voice of God may speak forth a sure Word of change and realignment with the Kingship of the Lord Jesus Christ. (That may mean that the voice of the people is not necessarily saying what God is saying, and we will have to rethink what democracy as a system of a worldly empire truly means.)

(3) Republicanism (myowne word) is not synonymous with Christianity and vice versa. I do not necessarily hold claim to the belief systems of the Republican party because in my lifetime, I have only seen the poor get poorer and the rich get richer under the headship of this party. I have lived in the 'hood (grew up there and my heart for ministry is there), and I see the lives of the marginalized overlooked and unmentioned by this party that says that it stands on the foundation of Christian principles and bylaws. That is not Bible; that is not the Kingdom of God.

(4) There is a battle between the reign and rule of manmade political statues and the reign and rule of God. We have to pick a side to stand on.

"And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15, Amplified Version).

New School Year, New Thoughts

For me, the beginning of the year starts in September and ends in August. My life cycles around the beginning and ending of a school year as my primary job is in a school district and everything I participate in revolves around what I do there.

But there is another reason I choose September because I refocus myself on learning new things, embracing new experiences, and starting new goals that I have pondered over during the summer. I want to be better at the things I am called to do. I want to make a definite impact in the world where I am through presence, through writing, through commitment, and through communication. This year I have finally decided what I want to pursue in my graduate studies. At first I thought it would simply be writing and then teaching and then social work. But none of those ideas seemed right for the direction I am going in.

My decision to embrace my call as an advocate for the children and teens in this generation caused me to rethink what I love in terms of ministry. I attended college in undergrad thinking that I was meant to be a social worker, but now after much thought I have decided to pursue youth ministry instead. I want to impact youth in a real, life-changing way and not just in terms of providing services to people or helping promote programs I do not wholly believe in. I also want to use my love for writing and art as a way to minister to those young people that are so creative but feel at a loss as to how to express that creativity in a very real way.

The school I am planning to attend is the same school that I had questions about in regards to the young lady in my last post. I went to visit Huntington University in August and found it to be a wonderful place to start over - at least for me - and a wonderful place for her to find out who she is truly meant to be on this earth and in the Kingdom of God. It's not that I no longer have any questions; it's just that this school is trying to bridge the gaps in the Body of Christ that racism, classism, and separatism have caused. They are trying and for me, that is important.

It is important to say, "I recognize that there is a problem and I need to do all I can to fix it." Right now, that is what they are trying to do and also what I am trying to do. That is what I need to do in order to truly fulfill the call on my life and fully work the ministry that is developing in my heart. I need to be in a place where people are actualizing the true work of healing the Body of Christ and impacting the world around us simultaneously. I believe now that Huntington is embarking on that journey as all Christian institutions should be doing now.

Besides their Master of Arts in Youth Ministry Leadership program is perfect for me and is not as time-consuming as some of the other grad programs I was investigating. I can see the education and the degree leading me into a new territory as the school is directly affiliated with Youth for Christ which is one of the leading orgranizations all over the world impacting kids in inner cities, in church settings, and on school campuses. I love the idea of that and I will talk about all that later in future posts.

In that program as well is the opportunity for me to write and publish in the areas I am most interested in, such as social issues like parentless kids, teen pregnancy and parenting, and sex education. I have so many experiences and writings already - including a manuscript that I am finishing entitled "Father to the Fatherless" that would likely find a home in publication while I am pursuing graduate studies in that program. I am very excited about this little glimpse God has given me about what the future can hold if I just pursue my goals.

Along with that decision, I have also decided to begin teaching a Bible Survey class to the teens that attend my church. God placed in me the idea to start a class for youth at my church in order that they can understand the Bible and learn to read it for themselves. We often talk about faith and the Word of God and having a vibrant relationship with God but for teens that is so abstract. So this class is meant to help them formulate their spiritual formation and the ability to read the Bible in a way that makes sense. This is also very important to me and may be helpful as I enter that graduate program.

The decisions I have been making for this new year are tangible, relevant changes that I will be making in order to draw closer to my own person destiny. For a long time I have been giving everything I could give to others, but I realize that sometimes, we overlook the most important gift we could ever give. We could certainly give ourselves to God for the express purpose of living out His purposes in our lives which really is more effective.

I am going to use this blog space as a way to document this year of changes, and in particular the lessons I teach and the lessons I learn as I help these kids walk through the Bible in a more real way. I will be adding a blog after each class that they can look at and I can use as a landmark for each step toward owning their faith that they make. But also I will be blogging about my own changes and steps toward destiny and deeper relationship with God.

There is so much I want to do, and I am so excited to be starting out a fresh year with some great goals in mind and heart.

Reminiscing

I was reminded today about my college years. And I'm not talking about the all night partying and the drinking and the boyfriends. That happened later, as so much in my life has. I have done a lot of things way too late; I have done some regretful things long after I should have known better. But I digress.

I attended two small Christian colleges in Lansing, Michigan and Grand Rapids, Michigan. I was one of the few African-American students at either school, and if I didn't realize it by the time I stepped on the campuses, I realized it after I had been there even after a couple hours. I realized it when I came away from my experience unsure if my being black had anything to do with why I did not truly enjoy my time in undergrad, like some of my friends did at their universities of choice. I walked away with a good sense of who I was and who I was not.

I was a passionate person that loved God and was willing to go where He would lead me, even in really uncomfortable environments.
I was a woman that was becoming more solid in my faith and could vocalize in intelligent ways the principles I believed.
I was a person that could stand out in a crowd and not hide my head in shame, whether I intended to stand out or not.
I was a Black woman.

I was not a White woman.
I was not endowed with long blond or brunette hair and blue or green eyes.
I was not engaged to the White guy on campus that played the acoustic guitar in chapel.
I was not a product of a Reformed Church background or a Church of Christ background.
I was not a pastor's daughter.
I was not going to be the favorite of some of my professors, though I did intrigue some.
I was not a resident of suburbia.

I was, however, a product of the ghetto - the same ghetto that many of the ministry majors in my classes were planning to inflitrate and impact.
I did not have very many friends outside my race and was looking forward to the opportunity to meet new people far different from where I had come from.
I grew up in a single parent household.
I believed in "speaking in tongues" and laying on of hands as part of true Kingdom ministry, acceptable practices at the predominantly black inner city churches I attended but not at either school.

That's who I was and was not and was again.

So...today I was reminded of that time period 10 years ago when I was a college student, trying to navigate the terrain and figure out what I was doing at those schools. I left the first school, hoping to find some acceptance in the second but did not get everything I hoped for. I was very lonely.

I was reminded of all those feelings and emotions because an African-American young lady that attends my church named JoNesha will be attending a college like the ones I did. I know probably more than most others that she may indeed experience the type of environment I lived through at Great Lakes Christian and Reformed Bible Colleges. She will realize more than ever who she is, even in the Christian institution she will be attending.

She will know that she is a Black woman. And she will either learn to love it more or secretly hate it because being different is a bitter pill to swallow - I don't care how people proclaim that uniformity is a curse. When you are around people that see your skin color first and your character second, when they believe your Christianity is somehow inferior to theirs though really a different form of the same beautiful flower, when they think you can never be as intelligent as they are, you begin to consider if being different is so wonderful.

My prayer and hope is that JoNesha will not come away with regret, that she will not wish that she had attended a different school than the one she will enter in Fall 2008. My hope for her is that Huntington University will give her the open doors and open opportunities for her to be her truest self with no apologies. She has gone through way too much to not enjoy college and the life beyond high school. I do not want her to have anything less than what she desires - which is a good experience in which to grow.

I pray for her.

I pray that she will become a stronger woman no matter the outcome of her college adventures. It is so important that she become the person God has intended for her to be.

I pray for her.

Josiah's Eyes

I received an email from a very good friend of mine today that included recent pictures of her son, Josiah. I fell in love with his eyes. I fell in love with the purity and innocence. I feel in love with his beauty and knew immediately that I had experienced another element of God's grace when I looked into her baby's face. I knew that I had found what I needed to see today - today when I feel lonely and sad and alone. I looked at her son and knew that one day we would both have families and our sons would play together. Her Josiah Rashad would love playing with my Harrison William. They would be the best of friends...one day. I would be able to send her updated pictures of Harrison and she would ooh and ahh over his eyes...one day. She would give me advice about breastfeeding and songs at three a.m. and the best diapers to use. She would tell me about the beautiful way babies learn about the world they were born to impact.

I realized all of this the day I looked into Josiah's eyes.