Saying NO to Others While Saying YES to God

I said "No" yesterday.

Wow. Prolific, huh?

It is when you never say it. It is when you always make yourself available to meet the needs/wants/demands of others with little thought to the repercussions of what saying yes will mean for you.

One thing I have learned in this season of change and metamorphosis is that I need to make sure that whatever my answer will be, it needs to line up with what I believe God is saying to me. I have to admit that sometimes I make decisions with the best of intentions, with my heart in the right place, but I did not stop to consider what God had to say. I am so guilty of this - in a lot of areas in my life. But I am especially guilty of saying yes to people when I should say no and vice versa.

And the truth is...I am tired of putting myself in that position of not saying what I mean and meaning what I say. My stepfather always told me "Say what you mean and mean what you say." I guess what he was really hinting at was the importance of being sure.

One thing I am sure of is my relationship with God needs a makeover. I need to give that same level of commitment that I give to others in my life - that same yes - to Him. No one else really deserves that much loyalty. Of course being loyal to others is important. But not at the risk of missing out on what God really wants for you.

I made a decision 9 months ago that now I regret. I said yes to a good intention and now my life has been completely inconvenienced. Now the things that are important to me have been sacrificed again. I made a decision to help someone without asking God if I should. There are times when our attempts to help are interrupting what He is saying for those that we are trying to assist. And the person I tried to help ended up abandoning me to the winds of change, to the loneliness that I was trying to rescue her from, and to the realization that I should have gotten an "all clear" before I moved out of my own place of rest.

So, it is not her fault. She never asked me to help her; I took it upon myself to be made of steel - to be Superwoman, to be the one that could be relied upon. What I didn't realize is that God may have wanted her to live through a tough season in her life with Him alone.

Yesterday, while I was considering the next move I have to make, she called for a favor oblivious to the fact that I am all tapped out at the present moment, that I tried to give her before what she was asking for (and more) as a daughter, that I tried to be present for her, and she apparently no longer wanted what I had to offer when it was being offered or she simply was so wrapped up in her own cloud of misery, worry, loneliness, and stress that she couldn't pay attention to what was right in front of her. So...although I felt bad for saying it, I knew that I had to say no.

The long and short of it is because I have had to move on, I do not have time to return to the person I used to be. Nor do I want to. I can help her, assist her, say yes later.

For now...it's no. I have to say no because I said yes prematurely last time and have had to pay the cost for moving, albeit with good intentions, outside of God's will for me. The truth is the grace to be the one consistently called upon only when needed has lifted for me. I am not readily available for everyone - not if I plan on becoming the woman of purpose I have to be right now. Because in the midst of trying to intervene and make everyone else's life easier, I forgot about me. I forgot that my focus has to be God and fulfilling what He is requiring.

And sometimes that means I have to say no sometimes.