I Am Not Sure Where I Stand

I am a Christian. I say that from the start. I have truly been a lover of God and His Christ since I was a little girl. So there is no issue there.

But as I have been thinking about the changes my heart and my life need to make while I climb deeper into my 30s, I am not certain of the "other things" that being a Christian in this world means. We are identified by the churches we attend, the ministries that we affiliate ourselves with, the denominational platforms up on which we stand. I have attended three churches in my entire lifetime, rooted in different ways in the African-American community out of which I was culturally and spiritually born: African-Methodist Episcopal, Full Gospel Baptist, and Church of God in Christ. And on top of all that, I attended a colleged immersed in Reformed theology - which is a predominantly White denomination.

I never understood or wanted to understand any of the philosophies that make these churches or the school I attended so different from one another. I never wanted to be a part of separatism in any form, due largely in part to the isolation and loneliness of my upbringing. For me denominationalism breeds separatism which in turn breeds loneliness, isolation, and mistrust for others that may or may not believe the same traditional things. I always stood on the belief that as long as we agree that God is Who He says He is, that Jesus is Who He says He is, the Holy Spirit does what He was sent to do, and the Godhead Trinity still invades our sinful lives through a Bloody Redemption, there is nothing else to be concerned about.

Perhaps that is naive, but I am not comfortable looking for any other reasons to be defined as separate from others. Humanity divides enough by color, classism, racism, economics, and even demographics. The Body of Christ has no right to do that; we are supposed to stand on Kingdom Principles. That is our call.

Somehow that has gotten missed in the whole scheme of things.

I am encountering some truths right now about this. I am not so sure of what my commitment must look like to the world. I am not sure of the faith circle that I am to enter after my season is up at the church I attend right now. One resolution I am certain of is that my choice must resonate with God's will for my life, and I believe that He wants me to step out of the box of denominational walls.

I have been studying and seeking for about six months now. I am not seeking faith, in and of itself. I am seeking a place, a church that is not interested in being separated from other members of the Body of Christ. I have courted some expressions of Christian faith, such as the Emergent Church Movement and although I admire the stance some of the leaders of this movement take on social justice and faith matters, I am not completely convinced that is the place I need to be either.

There are so many elements to joining a ministry that people fail to understand. The one basic element is whether you feel comfortable, accepted, and yet appropriately challenged enough to grown in your faith in the church you choose to attend. I know too that most importantly is God's voice in the matter. I am a firm believer that if you are a Christian, you have to let God lead you in the right direction. Attending church is right up there with all other important decisions we are supposed to make.

So, right now I am listening and praying and seeking. I am reading a lot of books with my Bible, primarily ones that talk about journeying to new places in God, the search for a more grounded faith, and the importance of relationship with God. It is my prayer that in the end, I will know exactly where I am to be and who is to care for my soul in this next phase of my life.