I have attended church, in one capacity or another, all of my life - first with my grandparents and then with my mother. I was not in a position to choose my own church, obviously, and went where my family went. I learned about what being a Christian really means in the early days of attending worship services in these different environments.
But now...I am 30 years old and trying to map my own way, trying to own my faith (as I am teaching the youth at my current church to do). This is exciting and a bit scary as I reevaulate what I want my life to look like as this grown woman. The church I am still attending in Port Huron, Michigan was also chosen in some ways by others as I never intended to stay in the region for long. However, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I have been there - not really fitting in, not really growing in all areas of my spiritual development as I thought I should, but still learning invaluable lessons about faith and life and love in the midst of it for 3.5 years. The pastor (along with her now deceased husband) of the church was a spiritual covering for nearly 11 years, and I have been helped in many ways by their leadership.
Yet there is this feeling, this level of discontent that I cannot shake and this pervasive sense that my time in this spiritual haven is drawing to a close. I realize that my days are numbered at the church and soon, I will need a change. This change involves choosing for myself the next church I am meant to attend.
I have wrestled with what this apparently means for my life, now. Does this mean that I am to leave one ministry in order to jump feet first into another one right away? Should I just visit churches and not immediately join up with another? Or should I take some time off to determine what God is saying to me personally? Am I going to be okay with the choices that I make for my spiritual growth?
I believe that I have been equipped for most of my life to know the direction as God was leading me on my spiritual journey. I have sat under the tutelage and leadership of great men and women of God, and what I have learned from them will help me know what the next step should be, who my next spiritual authority leaders should be. But more than that, I believe that God has graced me with His Presence. He is leading me into the next place because it is my life that will be impacted this time. I am allowed to choose the next place, but God will also lead me where He wants me to go if indeed I possess the mind of Christ in this matter.
I am a bit scared as to what all these changes will mean and what these changes will look like a month, 3 months, 6 months, or a year from now. Who will I be? What kind of ministry will be birthed from me as I embark on the next destination? Whose life will I be able to impact as a result of this decision to move on?
All I know is that I must do certain things for me, now. I have lived my life in the shadow of other people's decisions, but this time it is my turn to shift into the next place. And I believe God is fully capable of leading me where He deems for me to go.
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