This morning I drove in - gray clouds on one side of my car windows' view and a pink rising sun-sky on the other, reminding me of yesterday and today all in one look. I am singing with all my might to the God that created that sky and that morning and me, all over again but definitely not the same. I am thinking of this day as it was 6 years ago today, but also what it means today, with my world so upside-down and never conceived of in my mind those many sunrises ago when I could never imagine being or remotely living without my "dad".
I don't want to think of the sad way my heart beat those years back, when there was no brightness to my day awaiting me. I think instead that he is not so much gone as he is somewhere else, somewhere I'm not physically. But I am most spiritually aware that when I sing as loud as I am, my voice is reaching up to where he is, where they all are, all the people that ever mattered to me and knew Jesus as Savior before they breathed their last. He is where my song is flung. And not only that, he is where my children are now existing in the heart of our Creator. My "dad" will see my son and daughter before I do, and that gives me so much peace, as I drive in today.
It may sound weird to others that do not believe in God or what He does or what He will always do. But just like I know the man that went home to be with Him six years ago today is very much alive, my son and daughter not yet manifested physically on this earth exist with God in a place my eyes cannot see. My body is preparing for their arrival before conception has even taken place. They live in God's mind and heart, just like I did before I was born. God knew me before I was ever formed in my mother's womb. He thought of me then just he thinks of my and Mr.'s children now.
I think of these little ones that will spend time here on earth making an impact and being that seed that will continue to help bruise the enemy's head. They will live here and be everything God ever intended. They have parents and grandparents that are praying for them already, and how powerful is that? How powerful is it to have people praying for your arrival before you are even aware that you have somewhere to be?
Today, I thought of all this, as I sang and thought and prayed. My destination was not so much an office building, but a place of worship where I could touch those who were here and have gone on, then touch those who have never been here but will be soon. It didn't matter what I would face today. Everyday life is not really what we realize anyway. We live physically but the eternal is all that matters. And to me that is all that really has my attention.
I thought of a smile that I miss desperately, but feel all the time, like the sunshine I crave for now because winter has lasted too long. I thought of smiles I have never seen but one day will. And I sang louder....
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