New Year, New Life

I took some time away from blogging so I could actually get married and then actually be married in these early days after the vows.  I thought many days about what I would say with my first blog post as a married woman, wanting to be prolific and full of wisdom and able to answer the questions I raised just before saying "I do" to Mr.  What I can say is that I am more wise because of love and what the love of God and the love of Mr. has done to me.  I am not more wise  or full of more wisdom because I had it within myself all along.  It came along with the vows and the commitment made - like a gift dropped down from heaven at the very moment we took that next step.

The intense love of both God and my man has changed me, even this early on - has settled me, has established me, and has integrated my selfish mind and heart.  I thought I was a person that thought more of others than myself, but marriage is really the only relationship (besides parenthood) that demands it.  And everyday, when the good of the household has to outweigh what I thought would be good for only me, I realize that I have to do this ten times more.  And no it is not rote or innate.  It takes deliberate concentration to not be who I was before "I do."  I have to be the woman that said "I do" and is now learning to "do" and "be" and "translate" the language of intense love and devotion everyday.

I thank God for this.

I thank God for the challenge to love deeper and broader and wider.  I thank God for the challenge to share a home and a life with this man - this man with the infectious laugh and music in his veins and love staring into my eyes.  I thank God that it really isn't a challenge at all.

It is what I want to do.  More than anything in this world.  In this new year.  In this new life.