It has been a week. She walked past my cubicle, head bent over a piece of paper in her hand and her eyes focused on the words. She had a purposeful walk, like she was on a mission and had to answer the questions that paper must have raised. She didn't look at me, but I saw her thick auburn locks and her professional gait out of the corner of my eye.
I turned my head slightly to watch her walk past, my own work in my hand, and thought: "God, she is beautiful...such a beautiful woman. I wonder does she know."
And His voice, not silent but not loud, quietly impressed upon my spirit: "Tell her. Tell her she is beautiful."
I shook my head and turned back to the work. Back to the more important work. Telling someone she is beautiful is not part of my job description. Anyway, something that simple can wait until a more convenient time. I turned my head and didn't give it another thought. She probably didn't need to hear that she mattered and her beauty resonated from within and her life was impacting me from one cubicle down. She didn't care about that last Thursday.
12/13/14....a strange day in the history of our world. The numbers lined up in sequence, perfectly. We would never see a day like that in our generation again. That day, a day that would never be seen again in my lifetime, held something else that was prolific and powerful.
I would never see my co-worker's beautiful smile and caring spirit again either. I would never be able to stand outside her cubicle and ask her things about work or hear about her children or listen to her thoughts about the children on her caseload. I would never see that woman again in my lifetime. On 12/13/14, two days after I put off telling her that she was a blessing and that she was a beautiful, vibrant person that mattered until a more convenient and not so random time, she took one last breath. And she left.
I'm still looking for her to walk past my cubicle. I am still hoping that all that has been experienced and all that I neglected to do (as simple as it sounds) would all be a nightmare; we would all wake up and she would be here.
But she is not going to be here. She walked into heaven on 12/13/14 and the world will never see a person like her again.
You must never, ever ignore the whisper of God in your spirit. I don't know why I should have told her any of those things; I don't know what she was going through (if anything). I don't know if it would have changed the outcome; some things cannot be changed. But you can tell people that they matter. You can impact lives as if tomorrow isn't promised - BECAUSE IT ISN'T.
I knew this last Thursday. I knew this, but I did not think for one moment that this applied to her the last time I saw her. I did not get the chance to say it the next day. And then there was Saturday.
When I felt the tug on my heart to say these most simple words to her, I assured God that she didn't need to hear them. I told him that I could do it some other time. After all, in February we were supposed to conduct foster parent training together and we would be able to prepare for those two Saturdays together after my vacation. We would talk and laugh and compare stories and she would still be the beautiful person she always was in February and I had time to tell her then.
It is Friday.
And I was wrong.
And perhaps caring about someone is not simple.
Perhaps it cannot wait until another day.
Maybe God whispers that you should tell people that they matter because they do....TODAY. They matter right now. They may matter tomorrow or in three months. But TODAY they need to hear that they are not invisible and someone sees them for who they are. TODAY they need to know that you care about them. TODAY, more importantly, they need to know God cares about them.
Who are you going to love today? Who are you going to show concern for today?
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