Oh the Places You'll Go...

In a few short weeks, the oldest of my nephews will be walking across a stage, handed a diploma, well on his way to the next season.  It's supposed to happen this way - him as man, him as no longer boy, him as no longer baby.  He hasn't been a baby in quite some time, but it was easier to ignore when he was slinging a backpack across his shoulders and heading out the door to the high school down the street.  It was easier to ignore the man emerging from boy, as the thin mustache and curls sprouting from his chin masqueraded as a beard that wasn't quite...beard.  It was easier to hear him call me "Auntie Mom" in his softly masculine voice, caring about things and thinking about life and observing everything before making decisions that could affect the rest of his life.

But...this boy turned man overnight, it seems...like he went down for one of his long naps like the baby he was to me and woke up the man he is.  On Easter Sunday this year, he went to church with Mr. and I, soaking in the knowledge and awareness of what Christ had done for all of us sitting in the sanctuary.  I cried at the enormous love God has for us.  And then he cried his own private tears.

Afterwards, I made it my intention to take him to shake the hand of the pastor that used to hold him on his lap as a tinie.  The look on Pastor Glenn's face was something that stays with me still - the look that spoke volumes.  He turned to me with wide eyes, holding this man's hand, with surprise and shock that time really does pass, and men that used to be babies actually do grow up and conquer the world.

I nodded with tears in eyes and a smile on my face - saying silently that, yes, this was the very nephew he mentored before the boy knew what mentorship was.  Yes, this was him all grown up.  Yes, the boy-turned-man was indeed eye to eye with him, smiling and full of life experiences and some wisdom.  Yes, this was him...still with me, in that moment.

"He is graduating from high school this year, next month," I said softly.

And the pastor hugged the boy-turned-man, whom embraced back...happy.

And now, here we are in May, a few short weeks away, and he will don a cap and gown with his grown-man swagger.  He will walk with purpose and passion as my tears stream down.  I am sure I will embarrass my family, but they know how much I love this boy-turned-man with the adoration of an auntie-mom.  They know I have sacrificed much for love; the miracle was expected.  I knew this would happen when I would rock him to sleep all those years ago.  He is successful already - not because of money or fame or acclaim, but because his spirit is in tact.

Last week, I read Dr. Seuss' story book Oh, The Places You'll Go to my husband as we sat in Barnes and Noble, enjoying tea and magazines.  I want to read this book to my nephew, my boy-turned-man.  I choked back tears even then, even though I still had time before we would read it together.

All I could see as my husband listened and watched the story unfold, much like a little boy himself was how time does bring about changes.  I'm not always ready for changes like this one; right now in view of what is about to happen, I feel a lot like Ann Voskamp in the blog post she wrote yesterday ("4 Steps to Take When You're Not Ready for Change").  She wrote about the very same thing in relation to her son.  (If you have a chance, please read it here:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/05/4-steps-to-take-when-youre-not-ready-for-change/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HolyExperience+%28Holy+Experience%29)

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a very passionate person, especially when it comes to the boy-turned-man and his siblings.  They have enamored me, held my heart in their hands, frustrated me, drove me crazy, loved me back.  I want them to be just as passionate about family and life and dreams and goals and GOD, most of all.  I want them to feel fire burning deep within when they talk about these passions like I do...when I talk about them.

This boy-turned-man looked me in my eye and told me that his trip this past spring break to our home would be one of the last.  "Soon, I'll be in college, Auntie-Mom, and won't be able to visit as much."

Of course, I wanted to say, you will be gone to the wide world out there with the intent to make an impact.  Of course, Nephew, you will be in college, learning and growing.

But, instead, I smiled through my tears, and thought..."You will go so many places, but I hope you won't forget where you've been.  The biggest impact is the one you've already made...right here."