STRANGE, THOUGH NOT UNEXPECTED

Okay...I need to do a few updates since most of my posts lately have been about President Obama or the election campaign issues I was having or other people's babies. When I started this blog, I had intended to write about the class I was teaching at church and some changes I am making right now in my personal life. Well, some things never change.

I may have intended to teach these kids at church, trying to motivate them to live out their faith in a more intelligent, learned way. So, what happened? They stopped coming. A couple times my class got cancelled. Then I would show up on Wednesday nights and they wouldn't, for various reasons. And then, I just decided that this inconsistency is proof that some things never change. One of the issues I have with my church is the inconsiderate way things set up for the teens are viewed. And I am so sick of it. I have tried setting up tutoring programs, youth activities and classes. Nothing ever continued after the first month.

A lot of it has to do with the parental involvement. The parents are not very involved in anything that has to do with their kids - at church and at school. I know because I have worked with them in both places. I am not just drawing an unfair conclusion. And if the parents don't make certain things a priority, the kids won't either.

So this was my last shot at trying to do something life-affecting at my church. I have tried many, many times, and although my pastor doesn't agree with this, I don't believe in beating a dead horse. So...as of right now...the class "Own Your Faith" is on hiatus (maybe, permanently). It's too bad really; it was going so well. But I don't have the energy to beg people to bring their kids so I can teach them about the things of God and faith. That's not my job.

And then...something else has happened that has caused me to really take a look at relationships and even how I may be viewed by men. Most of my friends are married - except for one. All of them have gotten married within the last 6 years. So, I have had a good opportunity to see how relationships are built and what makes them work (or not work, in some cases). I have had the chance to interact with these couples in a variety of different ways, and I have drawn a lot of conclusions about what I want and what I don't want.

And one thing I don't want is to learn that one of my friend's husbands thinks I am beautiful and wishes that we could be together in some way, form, or fashion because my friend is not doing her wifely duties.

Yes, you heard me. One of my friends' husbands, in a feigned attempt to ask me for help in understanding his wife (like I can help with that; I don't KNOW her like THAT), also released some real talk in my ear. I am surprised that he would admit this but I am not surprised that married men are so intrigued by me. I am not saying this in a proud or conceited manner. But I have had married men (some married to my friends and others, complete strangers) look at me inappropriately or even try to hit on me in some way.

And this solidifies why I keep my distance when my friends get married or get into relationships. It's scary first of all to be the only single one in my groups of friends. And it is also scary that when you try to befriend and be helpful in any way, you are looked at as a potential jump-off. I am so freakin' sick of being viewed as a great distraction or so empty-headed that I would be willing to kiss, sleep with, or even carry on indepth conversations with my friends' significant others.

Not cool. And not happening again.

I want my own husband - not somebody else's and especially not my friend's. I told my mom that I get tired of men just wanting to sleep with me but not wanting to marry me (either because they won't or because they obviously can't). It was just so selfish of these married men to try and trap me into something that would ruin my friendships with their wives. And it is so selfish of some men to try and bed me down and then walk away.

I'm not a ho, and I never have been. I'm the church girl (not innocent by any means, but really trying to live right). So (excuse the french, but) what the hell is this? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says I am easy or desperate or stupid? I'm just wondering.