GOING BEYOND HERE

One thing I know for sure....I can be all in for this moment but I probably won't retire from this place that I call a job.  I could be in the building for 26 more years and get my little certificate and fight with the state over my well-deserved benefits.  But I know and anyone that knows me knows I won't.  I will be here for the time I am able to make a difference in the families and children I come into contact with, but at the end of the day, I won't be spending my life here.

It's not the same as it was in my parents' or my grandparents' day when you endured whatever you had to endure for the sake of a 30-plus year paycheck just to retire with half the money you thought you were owed.  This is not even my testimony, though it could be if I just pretended that this is all I ever really want.

But I really have my heart set on holding babies for the next 30-plus years, whether they are mine or not.  I really have my heart set on writing books and helping other people write books and reading books others have written because I love words.  I really have my heart set on using what I have in my creative and business mind to support my household.

Being an entrepreneur is in my blood.  It is my bread and butter.  It is what keeps me up at night.  But it is also the thing that reminds me that the job I go to everyday doesn't have the right to give me high blood pressure or anxiety or any form of angst.  I figure if that is the reciprocation of all the hard work and passion, it is time to find another place to pour out my energies.

This morning, I am up early thinking and reading and writing and making lists in my head about how to get to the place where my visions come to life.  It is not enough to have a dream anymore...you only have one life, you know?  So why spend life wishing and dreaming and then driving to a building where you know where your best efforts are whittled down to what others think about you?

I know better than that.

I know that there is more to life than this.

I know I am not going to retire from this job in 26 years.  There would be no point in wasting time doing something that on any given day gives me heart palpitations and frustrating thoughts instead of vision and creativity in doing something new.

Before I moved to Port Huron, I had a home daycare that I was just starting.  I was so excited about impacting kids in my own way, loving someone else's babies like I love my own, and I have kept that feeling in my heart even through the journey of working at other jobs since that move.  That dream has not died, and lately, it has become a persistent echo in my ear.

I was a freelance writer and worked on various projects for companies and individuals, including myself.  I was brave and fearless and God was opening more doors than I could count because I believed that the sky was the limit.

Now?  I feel like a fearful little girl.  I am afraid to start these businesses again because what if they don't pan out?  What if I have to network far more than I did when I lived in my hometown?  What if this requires even more faith than I had 8 years ago?  What if this isn't the right thing to do?

Faced with the option to stay somewhere for 30 years or forge my own path, what if the path is much more rugged than I thought?  What if it requires more of me than 30 years fulfilling governmental requirements in a job that makes me question myself everyday?

But...the thought invades my heart and mind that I need to have faith that God has a much bigger plan than I could ever make on my own.  It sounds simple but I have never been a person that could live in a box.  I have never been a person that could live inside the safe zone.  That doesn't mean that I live in the realm of stupidity.  However, if it was done before, can't it be done again?

I know more now.

I have lived a little more now.

I was happier then.

Can't I be happy now?

What if I take a risk?

And life opens up when I take the risk to have faith that God will use me when I open these gifts and callings to Him.

What happens when you know the place where you are doesn't want what you have to offer but the place of faith God is calling you to does?