In Love Finally

I am not wondering now if prayers have been answered.  The problem as a human is that we take pleasure in talking to God, having access to His throne.  But as I have said many times before, what will we do when the answer is yes and we are granted what we have asked Him for.  Are we expecting a "No"?  We are not really prepared for yes, I think, and when we get a yes, we don't really always have a clue how to respond.

I am guilty.

I know this now.

God said "Yes" and here is love.  Love bright and brilliant shining in my eyes and blinding me.  I am prepared for gray clouds, for rain, for the deluge of disappointment carrying an umbrella and wearing rain gear on a day that calls for something I have not grown accustomed to - not because I don't ask for realistic things but sometimes I ask too small, too tiny, too minute, and not at all in the midst of specifics.  The bigger picture is much grander when we actually look at it from God's perspective.

I must admit, sadly, that at times I frame myself and try to sabotage my own blessings.  I am guilty of this too.  But for some reason or another, God shakes His head and keeps 'em coming.  He brought love this time.  After prayer for love, love landed in my life. 

The man that embodies God's love holds me close and I do not see him as he supposes that I should...like all the others that weren't me.  He did not believe at first that God would answer in such a precise manner as He has done.  With me.  Crazy that you never realize that you can be an answer to someone's prayer.  I am an answer to a prayer that was prayed when I was not even considering love at all except in R&B terms, ghetto living realities, observations of hood life love.  And here he was praying for me...not knowing that he was praying for me to show up and love him.

That is what you will have missed in the instructions class if you grew up where I grew up.  I have a feeling that it is worse now for the young people coming in the generation behind mine.  It is worse because we didn't know and now they know even less than that, if that is even remotely possible to be ignorant of ignorance.  But then, if you did grow up knowing that love finds you in the most unexpected ways and it doesn't hurt and it doesn't destroy the heart.  It finds you, yes.  It hunts you down with the motivation of fulfilling God's Word not to return void. 

A deep voice on the other end of the phone, assuring love.

A brown-eyed stare with an unspoken inclination for love.

A hug.

A love.

It is love finding me.

It will find you.

There is no wonder that Jesus said to believe...to believe you will receive what you ask for.  It is hard to believe because we think we aren't worth getting what we have asked.  We almost can't believe we are able to be loved by the ones that God sends.  God loves us but can the ones we ask to be here right now, healing us through touch, healing us in the physical because God's intangible finger cannot touch our tangible just yet, healing what we cannot know is broken.