Lots of changes have happened in my little life in the last few months that I believe my head is spinning. All of it is very exciting and tiring and beautiful. At the same time I wish I could just take a deep breath. You never realize how much you need to breathe until you literally feel like you can't.
I don't believe that you should ever move from one season to another without taking some time to reflect, to breathe, to see the connections between seasons. I don't believe you should ever move or transition between seasons as if there is no need for time to get quiet, to get alone with God, and to be by yourself. It doesn't seem realistic that you should pump the brakes on life for a moment as you turn the corner within a new journey, but it is no less true.
Jesus Himself withdrew to quiet places regularly. I understand now why He had to. There were so many demands placed on Him and He had to be with His Father. God even needed time to Himself. How much more do we - finite creatures that we are, creatures that have no more control over the universe than an ant, creatures that are so weak? We need to take time to regain strength at crucial junctions in our lives.
I realize that more than ever now, when I haven't yet taken some time to be still. We have our structure and our routine with home and work. We share the parenting load but I rarely have time to myself and I realize how dangerous that is to my ability to parent my girls. I have no idea how to steal time away but I know that I need to withdraw from all of this to realize what all of this means, to understand the changes that have taken place.
I am now a mother to a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old all of a sudden; my 4-year-old daughter is trying out the name Mommy when she talks to me now. She is practicing the word to see how it fits in her mouth. She refers to my husband and I as her parents. That is so deep to me - the barren one that could not have children. The spiritual children of the married wife are indeed more of a blessing to me than I could have ever realized (see Isaiah 54). It is amazing; to sit back and consider what that name means. That is all I really want to do right now. I have never had that name before. But as it were, in the midst of grief, God Himself has renamed me and this little girl is the one He has used to say it, to call me.
I am here in this new place in life - one that I have longed for and as I consider this position, I almost feel afraid of it. Do you know what I mean? You can long for something so long that when it happens, you are so in awe that God loved you enough to answer such a deep longing. You are in awe of Him; you realize that He did hear your very whispers. He did bottle your tears. He did... And that is scary to a certain degree that the God of the Universe, cares about you like that.
So you need to rest in that. You need to be still and know that He is God. That is no longer a cliche'.
The resting place eradicates the fears of new seasons. The best way to face the fear of a new transition is to take time to stare it in the face. The best way to move forward in a new season is to be methodical and paced within it, savoring every moment. When you rush into a new place in life, if you are moving too fast, you miss the magic of the seconds when hearts beat in sync. You miss the quiet whispers of Godly instruction. And the fast pace is like the speed of a roller-coaster. You are going so fast that you are afraid of where you are going. If you just slow down, you realize that there is truly nothing to fear.
SO much has happened in my life, in my family. And I long for that Jesus-space, to sit still and savor the grace and favor of God in my life right now.
You know how you recognize that you need to rest? You are tired and snippy and short with people. And I find myself feeling that way. So now, it is time to withdraw to that secret place with God - the mountaintop where He can give me the higher perspective I need regarding my new name, my position, and this new season. New seasons require daily instructions. They require times of silence as well as movement.
